Flyday giggles

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

In a Podiatrist's office:

'Time wounds all heels.'

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Plumber's truck:

'We repair what your husband fixed.'

In a Nonsmoking Area:

'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

On a Maternity Room door:

'Push. Push. Push.'

At an Optometrist's Office:

'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

On a Fence: 

'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!'

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

In a Restaurant window:

'Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.'

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

At a Propane Filling Station:

'Thank heaven for little grills.'

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

'Invite us to your next blowout.'

HAVE AN AWESOME WEEKEND BOYS AND GIRLS!! YOURS TRULY WILL BE IN THE CAPITAL SHOPPING TILL SHE DROPS. *GRINS*

My mother sent me this

A very successful Singaporean lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop might try to make it new again.

His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before ,was now completely ruined and would never be same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant,the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important thing in life'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.

The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing?


It got ripped off when the truck hit you!'

'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer.

'MY ROLEX!!!'


Note: I wonder what my mother was trying to insinuate. I don't have a porsche and I don't have a rolex. Is she hinting she will get me the car and the watch? *Grins*. My mother sure loves me.

Sharing of the month

Sometimes in this world, bad things happen. Things that disappoint us and makes us say to ourselves, "Why God, why?" Sometimes, we might even get worried or afraid because what comes next is so uncertain and unknown, but quoting one of Charles Stanley's Life Principles, "Disappointments are inevitable but discouragement is a choice." I remember that I don't have to give into those feelings of fear and hopelessness. Here are two points to remember:

 

1. God is for us. (And if God is for us, who can stand against Almighty God?)
2. God often uses trials to position us for Greater blessings. (This thought process helps me to maintain a right attitude in the midst of trials.)

Also, Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse that gives me comfort in times of uncertainty. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Lessons in Fabruary!

February has slowly picked up from the slow start that January had to offer for 2010. Made my first blunder of the year when I told my boss that our meeting in the capital city of KL with the clients was on a monday instead of tuesday. So I flew us both down south only to learn that next time, I should check my calendars properly otherwise I will earn myself an "accidental" shopping trip and spend all my lifetime savings on clothes I cannot afford. I put up the night with PW who has a holy neighbour with a penchant for singing and shrieking like a banshee in the wee hours of the morning. After 2 sleepless nights, one blunder, overswiped credit cards, crazy bumper to bumper jams and lotsa lotsa dust I just could not be happier to return to my paradise island to recover from the trauma and stress.

I am learning this from February : Learn from the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And always remember that the story is never over.

 

Last night, SM was having one of his moody days and asked me out to make him laugh. I failed. Terribly. I realised how he is the one between us both who possess the fineesse to think of the most hillarious things to say and make us both laugh over it. When he turned the table around, all I had was my bony shoulders and a warm embrace. I lack his capricious ingenuity. I think that is how different and similar we can be at the same time. He is whimsical while I am stoic...maybe this is what you call a balance. Even on his melancholic days, he is still able to amuse himself silly.

I am learning this from SM : Learn how to entertain yourself. Close the door, crank up the stereo, and dork out. Invent new dance moves. Play the air guitar. Practice your touchdown moves. Too many people are self conscious even when they're alone. Don't be one of those people. While you're at it, learn how to laugh at yourself.

 

SM took me up to check the pool area at his gym which has a horizon pool. When I laid on the gazebo and stared up the unfanthomable midnight blue sky sprinkled with glitery diamonds, I thought of my favourite people all over the world who are also staring up the same bright sky. Somewhere out there, someone's thinking of me, I hope. Makes my day or even my week worries all dissipated. Stargazings  do wonders to your soul. SM shared his philosophical lecture on how Gengkis Khan, despite being such a great man and conquering vast amount of land in China, would also have his weak and vulnerable moments. Yes, that self-praising prick was comparing himself to the great Gengkis Khan. Although Gengkis Khan conquered and was ruler of many nations, he too was not happy all the time. He could have all the power and women in the world but he too could also be an emo kid. Just like SM, he may have a gazillion friends and bank in a 5 figure salary every month, deep down inside, he is also an emo kid.

I learnt this over my pool-side star gazings moment : Happiness is not fame, money or power. The key to life is finding your sweet spot.

What lessons do you think Nie can learn from you or situations? What's one life lesson that you would wish to share with Me? What's the best philosophical advice you ever received from someone? Care to spill it for the inquiring mind? *smiles*

 

This shall be a 'Fabrualous' month.

It will all soon come to Pass

Reading and writing are amongst the things I find solace in. They also sit at the top of the list of Things-Nie-Is-Passionate-About. However should there ever be a declination in the quantity or even the quality of my writing, it can be attributed to the life I have to lead. Yes, I lead a double life. One on virtual world and one in reality. I am not too good in balancing many things at one go, although I like to think I am a highly intelligent species of the human race who find multitasking as easy as reading my ABCs, sadly, that is not the truth. It's just a myth and something from the fickle of my imagination.

My persona online that I bare to so many people is something I am cautious about. How many people read about you and to what extend are those people are both unchartered waters and sometimes it scares the sense out of me. We tend to choose what we want to reveal to the world and whether it is on a blog or on facebook, to certain extend, our online personality is manupulated to a certain level.



We all try to structure our lives in ways that others will view us favourably and maybe to think, we are popular and/or funny. We want to appear smart and cool. We all do, admit it or not, want to fit into the crowd and not stick out like a sore thumb. That is why some of us succumb to saying things we will not usually say in real life and doing things that contradicts the person who we really are. I think a man's heart is the most lethal poison in the world. Our heart can deceive us to do and say the most outrageous things and it also, more often than not, reflects our deepest thoughts, desires and characters.

We don't root for people's success as much as we quietly revel in their failures. That's the truth.

In reality, life can be hectic chaos. As unpopular as I am, I still have a full-time professional job to maintain so I can still enjoy my lifestyle of glossy hair and expensive facials that can feed a small third world country. I also have a barrage of friends who enjoys my company for coffee, tea, me  lunch, and dinner. Some delights in bringing me to functions when a date is needed, which means to interpret that, to the horrors of horrors of you peoples, I sometimes moonlight as a social escort (without the after dinner frills) and/or socialite. As boring as I am, there are a handful who still buzzes me online if I don't initiate a conversation with them. I have a church to attend, a God to worship, a family to go home to and friends who regales in my non-existence humour and non-significant presence. I can only imagine how hard it must be for popular people like Barrack Obama or Angelina Jolie to lead a life - all that millions of people to please, the mass amount spent at plastic surgeons, the dentist appointments, the critics and the pressure to stay perfectly good looking for the cameras and the trauma of having some douchebag drawing balls and beard on your photographs.

My point here being is that, I don't write here for a slice of the admiration pie. I don't hope to be popular so I can join the league of rich and famous. I just view this as another outlet I can let out my creativity and rant about life's little dramas that God has kindly granted the roles for me to play on this stage.



However, I have learnt, peoples, as nice as I want to believe them to be, find schadenfreude as interesting as orgams. Yes, what a big word. No...not Orgams. I mean Schadenfreude. My expensive education abroad has indeed matured me and my experiences have expanded my horizons to see that the world is filled with people who finds delight or seeks satisfaction in someone else's misfortunes. That's the ugly truth.

I feel compelled to share this with you all. I am taking a sabbatical from facebook. I won't bore you with the details that has led to this decision and I also lack the emotional capacity to regurgitate the story again. I feel that this virtual social site has given me a hindsight to the good, the bad and the ugly. A little too much, perhaps. Although it has little effect of my life in reality, I rather it has no impact at all. As everyone knows, Facebook can be like discovery channel. I still like to be discreet about mine life, if possible. Facebook can make it impossible.

But let's face it, I hear some of you jeering there, forming your own opinions, probably wanting to suggest I should just shut down my facebook account. In all honesty, you have not lead my life nor travelled the journey I have went on and everyone is bound to have an opinion about everything. I respect that.

Some people think it's the holding on that makes you stronger, I believe it is the letting go.

Love is in the Air

After searcing far and wide, long and hard - I finally found the love of my life. I bring you :

DANIEL PHILLIP HENNEY.

When N'Sync wrote - God must have spent a little more time on You - they composed the song for Daniel Darling.

When Men speaketh of God's gift to woman - they are referring to Daniel Darling.

When Women speaketh of that man who makes you wet between your thighs - they are referring to Daniel Darling.

This is one mix species who got all the right genes flowing in him. Ahhh, Wobbles wobbles.

Peoples, my search of a husband is officially over. Finally, my eggs can be inseminated with A-Grade gorgeouslicious sperms.

Now you peoples, please start saving to buy babygros for my hensem and beautiful kids.