It seems as of late, I have let myself believe that despite the complexity of things and the uncertainty that clouds us, there is a reason for everything that God allows to happen. An explanation and a significance in every event, from the most unseemingly and unexpected to the most joyous and unexplicable.
We feel wiser when we come out of a catastrophy and are able to see how everything connects to lead us to where we are today.
We feel stronger when we emerge, although brusied and scarred - at least, we did not become a casualty to that event.
We very much want to believe that the things that happen to us have great meaning. It's the way we feel life should be. Yes, some days we feel our life's a soap opera. But we want-we need-to have the sense that there's a purpose and value to it all. And we're right.
Sometimes its the smallest reason that can change your lives forever.
To quote Marilyn Monroe,
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
Today, I really hope what Marilyn said is true. I pray that what ever decisions Dinosaur makes, it will be to give him a better heart and to lead a healthier life so he can grow old with grace, walk me down the isle and run with the grandchildren. I want to walk to the edge and believe that my superhero - that one person who will give me his world should mine crumble and fall - has to go through this bypass surgery so that he can be living better to enjoy his golden years.
Sometimes things happens to me and my favourite people in the world. These things may seem horrible, painful and unfair and right now, it does. However, if I take a step back and reflect, I know that without overcoming those obstacles, I would not discover my potential, strength and will power of heart. I would not possess the courage to confess that despite the times Dinosaur drove me crazy, nagged me insanely and was being outright unreasonable, I always have and will love him deeply for the sacrifices, the unconditional love and just for being my daddy dearest.
Why does all my favourite people have to a.) fall sick; or b.) die; or c.) fall off the face of the Earth? If everyone is the same to me and there are no favourite people, it will not have hurt so much. Today, I have decided to delete my favourite people list, so when God takes one of the people in my life away, my heart will be less battered because it will just be another person missing and not a favourite one.
This is me - holding back tears and trying very hard to be a tough cookie.
