Reading and writing are amongst the things I find solace in. They also sit at the top of the list of Things-Nie-Is-Passionate-About. However should there ever be a declination in the quantity or even the quality of my writing, it can be attributed to the life I have to lead. Yes, I lead a double life. One on virtual world and one in reality. I am not too good in balancing many things at one go, although I like to think I am a highly intelligent species of the human race who find multitasking as easy as reading my ABCs, sadly, that is not the truth. It's just a myth and something from the fickle of my imagination.
My persona online that I bare to so many people is something I am cautious about. How many people read about you and to what extend are those people are both unchartered waters and sometimes it scares the sense out of me. We tend to choose what we want to reveal to the world and whether it is on a blog or on facebook, to certain extend, our online personality is manupulated to a certain level.
We all try to structure our lives in ways that others will view us favourably and maybe to think, we are popular and/or funny. We want to appear smart and cool. We all do, admit it or not, want to fit into the crowd and not stick out like a sore thumb. That is why some of us succumb to saying things we will not usually say in real life and doing things that contradicts the person who we really are. I think a man's heart is the most lethal poison in the world. Our heart can deceive us to do and say the most outrageous things and it also, more often than not, reflects our deepest thoughts, desires and characters.
We all try to structure our lives in ways that others will view us favourably and maybe to think, we are popular and/or funny. We want to appear smart and cool. We all do, admit it or not, want to fit into the crowd and not stick out like a sore thumb. That is why some of us succumb to saying things we will not usually say in real life and doing things that contradicts the person who we really are. I think a man's heart is the most lethal poison in the world. Our heart can deceive us to do and say the most outrageous things and it also, more often than not, reflects our deepest thoughts, desires and characters.
We don't root for people's success as much as we quietly revel in their failures. That's the truth.
In reality, life can be hectic chaos. As unpopular as I am, I still have a full-time professional job to maintain so I can still enjoy my lifestyle of glossy hair and expensive facials that can feed a small third world country. I also have a barrage of friends who enjoys my company for coffee, tea, me lunch, and dinner. Some delights in bringing me to functions when a date is needed, which means to interpret that, to the horrors of horrors of you peoples, I sometimes moonlight as a social escort (without the after dinner frills) and/or socialite. As boring as I am, there are a handful who still buzzes me online if I don't initiate a conversation with them. I have a church to attend, a God to worship, a family to go home to and friends who regales in my non-existence humour and non-significant presence. I can only imagine how hard it must be for popular people like Barrack Obama or Angelina Jolie to lead a life - all that millions of people to please, the mass amount spent at plastic surgeons, the dentist appointments, the critics and the pressure to stay perfectly good looking for the cameras and the trauma of having some douchebag drawing balls and beard on your photographs.
My point here being is that, I don't write here for a slice of the admiration pie. I don't hope to be popular so I can join the league of rich and famous. I just view this as another outlet I can let out my creativity and rant about life's little dramas that God has kindly granted the roles for me to play on this stage.
However, I have learnt, peoples, as nice as I want to believe them to be, find schadenfreude as interesting as orgams. Yes, what a big word. No...not Orgams. I mean Schadenfreude. My expensive education abroad has indeed matured me and my experiences have expanded my horizons to see that the world is filled with people who finds delight or seeks satisfaction in someone else's misfortunes. That's the ugly truth.
Some people think it's the holding on that makes you stronger, I believe it is the letting go.
However, I have learnt, peoples, as nice as I want to believe them to be, find schadenfreude as interesting as orgams. Yes, what a big word. No...not Orgams. I mean Schadenfreude. My expensive education abroad has indeed matured me and my experiences have expanded my horizons to see that the world is filled with people who finds delight or seeks satisfaction in someone else's misfortunes. That's the ugly truth.
I feel compelled to share this with you all. I am taking a sabbatical from facebook. I won't bore you with the details that has led to this decision and I also lack the emotional capacity to regurgitate the story again. I feel that this virtual social site has given me a hindsight to the good, the bad and the ugly. A little too much, perhaps. Although it has little effect of my life in reality, I rather it has no impact at all. As everyone knows, Facebook can be like discovery channel. I still like to be discreet about mine life, if possible. Facebook can make it impossible.
But let's face it, I hear some of you jeering there, forming your own opinions, probably wanting to suggest I should just shut down my facebook account. In all honesty, you have not lead my life nor travelled the journey I have went on and everyone is bound to have an opinion about everything. I respect that.
Some people think it's the holding on that makes you stronger, I believe it is the letting go.
