The countdown to quarterlife.

Someone once told me, if you want a fulfilling life, then join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them. Mine isn't that fulfilling afterall, since the only exotic place I could think of I had visited is Santorini Island in Greece, which may be far from exotic for some of you. I have met strange people but I have not kill them. I can barely run 5km, what more join the army and get shipped off to Iraq.

In a nutshell, I cannot see how fulfilling my life can get.  My everyday routine is so mundane that if you lead my life, you probably would have jump off cliffs by now. I have just returned from a whole morning at trial with my Walking Encylopedia and my brain cells are close to collapsing from exhaustion. If there is a brain cell tribunal, I am sure I have alot of complains from mine. Overworked and underfed.

I honestly believe now, with every ounce of strength - emotionally/mentally/physically I have in me, I haven't quite grown up and fully developed to be the mature woman I would have expected to be as I near towards my quarter-life. On some days, I still feel I live in a glass house and if someone decides to pelt pebbles at me, my santuary of happiness will shatter. The essence of every pursuit of happiness is to be able to detach yourself from worldly things and live life knowing that nothing is eternal, nothing last forever, and in some ways or another, we either get left behind or leave someone behind.

Nobody likes a whiner. Trust us on this one (if you don't believe us, ask Michael Moore!) Seriously, I've really got to cut that out. It's driving some people fucking nuts. Every time I whine (especially in public) it must make you want to leave me on the side of the road. This waffling about how unfulfilling my life is has got to stop. I change my mind faster than Rudy Gulliani changes his politics. Do I freaking love my job or not? Do I want to go for a smashingtastic holiday or not? Do I like coming to work and replying nasty emails or do these nasty emails make me want to cry and go home instead? I am starting to remind you of the schizo ex-girlfriend from college  - and that is never a good sign.

I was once a 3 foot cutely chubby kid that everyone loves, even when I was just babbling endlessly about how I enjoy colouring my parent's stark white walls with permanent colourful marker pens. The keyword there was COLOUR. White just wasn't my taste when I was tiny and cute. Well, I did not stay 3 foot forever. I grew taller, a little and all my antics were not so funny as my height increased too. Pretty soon, that "being cute" thing started to wear a little thin. I had to back it up with some serious substance. After all, the world is filled with formerly cute kids who couldn't quite cut it at the next level.  When I turned 6, my parents sat me down and gave me the "talk". They warned me, "If you want all this continued love and affection, you're going to need to raise your game." For starters, no more painting on walls.

So, I took their advice with a kilo of salt, knowing they have my interests at heart and that for the next 15 years, my hands will be in their pockets. I do not want my inheritance to be cut off nor I found the idea of camping in the garden appealing. Besides, 12 years later, I had to be begging them for a car. So...I took the safe road, the higher road - I did not become a stripper, I live my parents' dream - made them proud and made myself so miserable a professional.

All I have to do now is be grateful for the blessings in life and grow up!!

6 phases of being in the Legal Profession

PHASE 1

You are listening to jazz -- Your first day at work is great. Your fellow co-workers are wonderful, your office is cute, and you love your clients !


PHASE 2

You are listening to pop music -- After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.




PHASE 3
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like after ONE month.
 
 
PHASE 4
 

You are listening to hip hop -- You become bloated due to stress, you're gaining weight due to lack of exercise because you are so tired and have so much work to do and, when you do get home, you feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your fellow co-workers are too cheerful for your liking, your clients don’t understand a word you say and the walls of your office are closing in.

PHASE 5

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You are listening to GANGSTA RAP -- After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch and you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.


PHASE 6
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Y ou are listening to the voices in your head -- You have locked your office door to keep people out. You wonder WHY you are even here in the first place and WHY you became a Legal Professional!

 

Just us

I have quite an obvious indifference on whether people likes me or not. I also think my Achilles' heel is probably my poignant intolerance towards humourless people lacking in intellect, emotion, empathy or character. The raison d'etre for my blatant sarcastic attitude is that - life is so short  and I shouldn't waste time with shallow idiots who make Paris Hilton sound like Mother Teresa.

I do need to work on how I relate to others. SM had a point when he said I needed to review my relationship skills. Look, I know I can sometimes shut down and give you that blank stare when my brain cells cannot make sense of the words that are coming out from you and I may have lapsed into the leagues of unintentional rudeness at times.

I have meet vastly different kind of people in my growing years (until I stop growing and became the small person I am today) and was exposed to a disapora of individual personalities. Now, I find myself to be more selective. refining the group of people I hang out with. or maybe the proper word is discerning.

Nick Hornby once said that it was no good pretending any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party. I think ours would. SM's idea of a great movie are characters who speak in a language that I can only understand if he translates them for me. Okay, I admit. There may be a slight communication breakdown. But I think I can relate to his record collections. Perhaps.


A small part of me tends to agree with this sentiment. The idea of being in a relationship with someone who shares my interests and similar perspective on life is warmly comforting. I tend to be very passionate about the things I love so there's a large part of me that wants to be with a man whom when I read a great book, hear an amazing song, watch a deeply moving film or discover a new restaurant, I can run up to him excitedly and yell, "Look what I found! This is US!" Then I suppose SM will just look up from my IPhone - take a 5 seconds pause - give me that sheepish you-are-just-so-cute polite smile and go back to killing whoever or whatever he is killing.

On the other hand, doesn't every couple start off by talking about all the things they have in common? And if the relationship doesn't last, don't you just end up thinking about all the ways you were so different? More importantly, isn't life much more interesting being with someone who not only has different interests but also brings a different perspective to life?

Although I think we get together with someone because they are similar with us in many aspects, share the same goals and visions and are interested in traipsing the journey together. I cannot emphasise it even more that my primary consideration of being with someone is because I can laugh with him.  I like to know after a long day at Planet workplace, I have someone to go back to and laugh about things, share a joke and lie in bed together giggling.

Perhaps the ideal goal of a relationship between two people isn't a merging of two individuals. On the contrary, maybe the healthiest long-term relationships accept that, even between the closest people, infinite distances exist and the key to happiness is to not only wholly love someone but also to be comfortable with the great expanse that inherently lies between you.


Honestly, I don't know what the future brings for me and I'll confess that there are times when this uncertainty makes me a tad nervous. Maybe then again, I just think damn too much.
 
Like Papa Walrus once said, I am too smart for my own good.