Cloudy with a chance of sunrays

Reading and writing are amongst the things I find solace in. They also sit at the top of the list of Things-Nie-Is-Passionate-About. However should there ever be a declination in the quantity or even the quality of my writing, it can be attributed to the life I have to lead. Yes, I lead a double life. One on virtual world and one in reality. I am not too good in balancing many things at one go, although I like to think I am a highly intelligent species of the human race who find multitasking as easy as reading my ABCs, sadly, that is not the truth. It's just a myth and something from the fickle of my imagination.

My persona online that I bare to so many people is something I am cautious about. How many people read about you and to what extend are those people are both unchartered waters and sometimes it scares the sense out of me. We tend to choose what we want to reveal to the world and whether it is on a blog or on facebook, to certain extend, our online personality is manupulated to a certain level.



We all try to structure our lives in ways that others will view us favourably and maybe to think, we are popular and/or funny. We want to appear smart and cool. We all do, admit it or not, want to fit into the crowd and not stick out like a sore thumb. That is why some of us succumb to saying things we will not usually say in real life and doing things that contradicts the person who we really are. I think a man's heart is the most lethal poison in the world. Our heart can deceive us to do and say the most outrageous things and it also, more often than not, reflects our deepest thoughts, desires and characters.

We don't root for people's success as much as we quietly revel in their failures. That's the truth.

In reality, life can be hectic chaos. As unpopular as I am, I still have a full-time professional job to maintain so I can still enjoy my lifestyle of glossy hair and expensive facials that can feed a small third world country. I also have a barrage of friends who enjoys my company for coffee, tea, me  lunch, and dinner. Some delights in bringing me to functions when a date is needed, which means to interpret that, to the horrors of horrors of you peoples, I sometimes moonlight as a social escort (without the after dinner frills) and/or socialite. As boring as I am, there are a handful who still buzzes me online if I don't initiate a conversation with them. I have a church to attend, a God to worship, a family to go home to and friends who regales in my non-existence humour and non-significant presence. I can only imagine how hard it must be for popular people like Barrack Obama or Angelina Jolie to lead a life - all that millions of people to please, the mass amount spent at plastic surgeons, the dentist appointments, the critics and the pressure to stay perfectly good looking for the cameras and the trauma of having some douchebag drawing balls and beard on your photographs.

My point here being is that, I don't write here for a slice of the admiration pie. I don't hope to be popular so I can join the league of rich and famous. I just view this as another outlet I can let out my creativity and rant about life's little dramas that God has kindly granted the roles for me to play on this stage.



However, I have learnt, peoples, as nice as I want to believe them to be, find schadenfreude as interesting as orgams. Yes, what a big word. No...not Orgams. I mean Schadenfreude. My expensive education abroad has indeed matured me and my experiences have expanded my horizons to see that the world is filled with people who finds delight or seeks satisfaction in someone else's misfortunes. That's the ugly truth.

I feel compelled to share this with you all. I am taking a sabbatical from facebook. I won't bore you with the details that has led to this decision and I also lack the emotional capacity to regurgitate the story again. I feel that this virtual social site has given me a hindsight to the good, the bad and the ugly. A little too much, perhaps. Although it has little effect of my life in reality, I rather it has no impact at all. As everyone knows, Facebook can be like discovery channel. I still like to be discreet about mine life, if possible. Facebook can make it impossible.

But let's face it, I hear some of you jeering there, forming your own opinions, probably wanting to suggest I should just shut down my facebook account. In all honesty, you have not lead my life nor travelled the journey I have went on and everyone is bound to have an opinion about everything. I respect that.

Some people think it's the holding on that makes you stronger, I believe it is the letting go.

Love is in the Air

After searcing far and wide, long and hard - I finally found the love of my life. I bring you :

DANIEL PHILLIP HENNEY.

When N'Sync wrote - God must have spent a little more time on You - they composed the song for Daniel Darling.

When Men speaketh of God's gift to woman - they are referring to Daniel Darling.

When Women speaketh of that man who makes you wet between your thighs - they are referring to Daniel Darling.

This is one mix species who got all the right genes flowing in him. Ahhh, Wobbles wobbles.

Peoples, my search of a husband is officially over. Finally, my eggs can be inseminated with A-Grade gorgeouslicious sperms.

Now you peoples, please start saving to buy babygros for my hensem and beautiful kids.

Another blue movie

For weeks I had to bug Suavest Maximus (SM) to bring me along to watch Avatar 3D and because I "booked" him to the movie, I had to reject others who invited me along although I was very much tempted to catch it earlier. (We only managed to catch the movie 3 Weeks after I annoyed him nonstop how he wasnt a man of his words for not bringing me to watch it) Being the Kiasu person that I was and after hearing all the 'niceties' review of the movie, I knew I just had to join the league of fanatic peoples, watch it in 3D and ooh and ahh over it just like everyone else had even if we have to wait weeks to get the tickets. when SM asked me what was so good about the movie that it has overtaken Titanic in the international box office, I lamely replied "because it is a blue movie". I did not understand what the hype was all about Avatar, I just knew it is a must watch if I do not want to lose my cool-ness with the crowd.

James Cameron's sci-fi adventure did not do much justice to the awesome reviews it garnered throughout its released. The film was blue. Indeed it was. filled with blue Neytiri, residence of the Pandora, who wore nothing but just beads around their blue naked body. But..But..you still cannot see anything la.

This is a movie that if you do not want to die an uncool person, yes, please go watch it. However, it's not a movie like Transformers, Dark Knight or even Disney's animated Pixar 'UP' whereby you can watch it on reruns after reruns and not get bored of it. Avatar has all the cliche dialogues, cliched characters, and cliched storyline. It's like after 15 minutes of watching uncomfortably with the 3D glasses, you can guess how the story will develop and how many people will eventually be sacrificed to make the ending a va-va-boom, leaving the audience in awe and not bothered that it was actually a movie that pale very much in comparison with my grandma's home-made birthday video. Titanic. Another James Cameron's genius. At least in Titanic, there was a pretty face to look at and a never-to-forget-scene, i.e. where Rose stood with her arms wide upon on the ship while My heart will go on plays at the background. I can hardly remember any scenes from Avatar now. Except this.

Sure, Avatar was a 'pretty' movie with amazing graphics that even I am awed by that. I have to give credit to Cameron on his brilliance in creating a fantasy world that lights and shines at every touch and step. Even the creatures living in Pandora has this futuristic alien-like features. Other than that, it is not a movie I will want to watch a second time. Not one I can sit through for another 2 hours and gush about it. Besides the brilliantastic 3D graphics, I still cannot understand why people are going back again to watch it...times are not that bad afterall I guess. No where to spend all that money maybe?

Relevation of the month - Watching Avatar just once doesn't make you cool. You are just "up-to-date". You must have watch it like 3 times or more and  in 3D only can be  considered cool okays.

Date with the Associate

Peoples, look like 2010 might just pick up for me afterall. I am/will be going for a double date with the Pregos Roomie and her husband. Yes, I am excited and No, I am not hoping for love at first sight. And again no, you peoples do not get to see how he looks like. I am just not stalker material to possess a photo of him to be uploaded here. I also would like to believe I am not a superficial girl and am a firm believer that looks can only last for so long, its the character that will sail towards the horizon. Now, can you all just hurry back, get on your knees and pray for me? If you are not all that religious, just be happy for me or email me some voodoo/spell to cast on my date.

Husband (you know who you are), will want to talk to you before I go on my date next week. Haven't chatted much with you lately and I am starting to miss that hysterical laughters and crazy talks. Maybe talking about this upcoming date will get you all anxious and green with envy - then lure you to come crawling for my attention. SEEEEE, the things i've to do to get your attention. Sigh.

The opposite of Love

"You change your mind like a girl changes her clothes", I apprised him. Kelly Clarkson hit the right tune when she sang that song. He laughed. He laughed all the time but he admitted he is fickle, even a little scared maybe. We bicker and banter everytime he rings. He confessed that he miss those times when we will just lie in on saturdays just making conversations. Perhaps we found a kinship in each other during those times that we dearly desired in our lonely moments. We escape our daily routines in life by just listening to each other's thoughts, by sharing epiphanies and prattling about everything under the sun, sometimes losing track of time.

One day, while I was babbling about my favourite disney cartoon, he leaned over and stared into my eyes. Affixing those big brown eyes to mine. Peeping into the windows of my soul. searching for a hint or a sign that we were soul mates, he said.


I just think he can be quite intimidating sometimes. we may share the same demographic and speak the same language but there is something about him that I will never quite understand. maybe that explains why we are drifting apart. He is a difficult book to read. Too thick of a text to disgest.

It's not just the seas that are seperating us and he knows it. we both know it. He is just too afraid to say it out loud, as if, speaking it out will ruin the current state of our relationship. He doesn't quite like to stress test the foundation of our relationship. That's why he hardly ask about my state of affairs in particular, he said, "its the not knowing that will not kill us". Something that I am still unsure if I disagree. He has this canny ability to influence my thoughts and I am addicted to this, always scurrying back to him for his wisedom, his words, his thoughts, his humour and his indubitable character.

"Do you like my gift?", he queried. You cannot compensate the lost of quality time by gifting. Thank God for immaterialistic girls. "I do", I replied. I truly did. I cannot deny him that credit of knowing me so well.

"How're you?" He probed. "Not too good", I admitted. He need not ask further, he knows why. " I like what you did to your hair", he kindly offered. I laughed. And I heard him chuckled on the otherside. "I miss us", He finally admitted.


I don't think I could ever appreciate him enough.

We never learn, do we? We are always repugnant towards those who loves us most, the ones who will give us their kidneys if we ever needed one. Until we lose them. I do not want to repeat my mistakes with him and the words "I do not know how to love you the way you love me" is becoming a banality. I cannot guarantee I will be the one he wants and I am not ready to lock it down full time. Settle down with one dime and spend the rest of my life with someone I still do not understand.

I do not know if I am a better person with him. He just makes it easier with him around. Like all things in life, this cannot stay perpetual. He is unwilling to sacrifice and I cannot love a man whom I cannot read. A litle mistery is fine. Too much makes me redraw. makes me feel incapable. frightened perhaps of venturing out with someone you hardly understand.


"Come to HongKong", that was the last he said before we ended the night with our goodbyes.

Eternal sunshine for the broken heart

Sometimes people do and say things without realising how much they have an impact on others and the lives of others. Sharing this planet with 6 billion people means someday we are bound to bump into some people who will light up our lives and another half who will inevitable crush our hearts, regardless of whether we like it or not. Though the saying goes that we are only responsible for our own happiness and it should not be dependent on others, I am of the opinion that our surrounding circumstances and the people whom we let in our lives do play a part in our pursuit of happiness. They are each, liken to a brick in the construction of a building.

Complicated situations and I don't go too well together. If at all possible, I try to avoid it at all costs. However more often than not, I always find myself being pulled into one, an object being caught in a turbulent moment of a spinning cyclone. This is supposed to be my year! But no, God has some other fantastic plans for me. When human plans, God laughs. He must be having the chuckle of this time up there. The loathsome thing about my pursuit of my happiness is that I am constantly nursing heartbreaks after heartbreaks. licking the wounds of my own and others. I longed to be completely ignorant in those moments when my I can hear the sickening sound of cracking hearts slice through the silence - to be completely sated by warms thoughts of happier times. It's like skiing on a thin slate of ice and watching it crack beneath you - in a torrent of a moment, you find yourself slipping underneath the ice and sinking into the icy waters. Now, I am disjointed in the agitated current.

As my heart shatters into a million pieces, showering me for a prolonged moment, as the shards of everything I once felt jingled on the ground around us and I find myself exposed to world so dark, so cold, so heartless and of such infinite magnitude and size. I do not know how to fix it as my eyes moist up. such hapless moments. I always try to make the best of every situation, I am that girl next door who looks for goodness in every corner, every situation and every person. I found your silver linning easily. You weren't the darkest in the flurry of cotton candy clouds. however my expectations of you were naive. you are just my transit stop, not my destination. at least, not for now. I am not that smiling face you expect at the arrival hall. I am merely another traveller in throngs of a thousands arriving at the terminal. Some are here to stay, some are here to visit and some are just stopping over. I fit in the last category. However, I realise, I fell in love when I shouldn't have. Yes, my whole world, my whole orbiting world consists of just a small, close revolution around my beating heart. I let my heart palpitate and beat hard against my ribcage at the thought of this man who makes me laugh. Lean back in my chair and laugh hard, for the first time in a very long time. I betrayed my rational - my wisedom that screams Nooo, Stop.

The greatest tool of feminity is trust. To be able to sit back and let the man in my life take the wheel, steer me around, drive at neckbreaking speed and trust, that I am in good hands, that I will be all right, no matter what. But you see, this was never about the issue of trust to begin with. This is about the cruelest irony in this twist of fate. You are that man I should never have fell in love with. You were meant to be foreign, but now you are familiar. You were suppose to be distant, but now dear. the more I tried to process the blurring lines, the more maddening it becomes.

Is our relationship bounded by just mere comfort and convenience? Am I just consoling my soul that soon all this will come to pass and my long delayed flight out of here will arrive soon? You will never feel the tears trickling down your arms because I am just too afraid to let it fall in front of you. I want your memory of me to be pure happiness and bliss, not stained by sadness. At the end, the vestiges of what we didn't have, what I couldn't have are just fleeting moments that I try to hang onto, desperately, before my head goes under the water. An unfulfilled love can be romantic in its own twisted way.

Now God, you can laugh.

The magic is gone

My brain has been a giant site of useless junk churning with nonsensical ideas on how to convince my parents to spend more money on me. I could well afford quite a few things on my own now but I am just too stingy and the thought of having to spend my OWN hard earned money is not very appealing. Yes I am a horrible ungrateful offspring to have. As since all my brain energy is already channel to con my parents' money it takes me hours and days to compile enough mental willpower to create a blog worthy of your time and energy.

Life at work has also been hectic and CrAz-E.

I am always leaving work with tears welling, exasperated and very much wanting to just go home to a nice bathe. During my drive back home, tears will roll down my cheeks and I will silently pray that some kind hearted arsonist will torch planet workplace so I will never have to go back and endure a whole team of people who has contributed to my soaring blood pressure level. It's a rough start at work since the beginning of year 2010; I can't offer perfection. or anything resembling it for that matter. In fact, I am already at my wits end on what else can be done.

But I can offer an earnest desire to try harder, to get better. No, fuck that. I will be better. Because the one positive thing about being at the bottom is that things can only get better from here. And that I can promise: I will do better. Bit by bit, day by day. Nothing is insurmountable.

My heart is doing sommersault flips in my rib cage at the moment. I have my eye on someone who makes me laugh but that's never enough. to stare from afar and wish that things were a tad different. I am finding myself being enveloped in a warm facade of intimacy, becoming best friends from just mere acquaitance. I can only promise to laugh a little more and to be a little better. Scraped knees are easier to heal than broken hearts you say heh?

I wish things will eventually fall into place and this melee that is hanging like a mist over me will disperse soon so I can see the road ahead clearer. Where's my sprinkles of magical sweetness in life?

my heart is whimpering

it sucks when you have a bad day and you have to sit through it at work when all you want to do is go home, curl in bed and cry your heart out. At the end of the day, you are not even sure if you have someone's shoulders to borrow, you are not even sure if anyone would be there to wipe those tears and most of all, if that one person you are crying for, even knows how you are feeling. All you really know is that love hurts. It stings the heart when its unrequited but it warms the heart when its felt.

To cut or not to cut

I am contemplating chopping my locks, save on shampoo and cut down the time on my blow dry sessions. What do you think?

Thank you for loving me

Whenever I think about Rusell Peters and his skit on dad and spanking, I am reminded of my own asian parents upbringing where one half (thank God) believes in the saying, "spare the rod, spoil the child".

My parents (or rather my mother only) is an old-school authoritarian and is a firm believer of what the experts like to call, conditional parenting. When I was younger I was made to believe, so frightened by her "threats" of rotan (canning), that if I am bad, mummy will not love me.

I grew up in a well balanced household with a pretty permissive daddy who is often blackmailed to give in to my whimps and fancies and a disciplinarian mummy who often dooled or withheld awards unless I behave according to her wishes. If I had driven her crazy with my naughty antics the night before, I will arrive in school the next morning with sightly red lines on my legs.

Back then, children my age were never exposed to child abuse advertisements with a hotline number printed largely at the bottom of our tv screens so we can call the child abuse line if ever we find ourselves or our neighbours' children being abused.

Neither was my mother "uber-cool" like most american parents who discipline their young children by forcibly isolating them, a tactic we prefer to call “time out.” The only "time-out" I have gotten when I was a child was my parents allowing me to sit on supermarket floors and wail my heart out while they continue browsing through their shopping.

Although I have yet to arrive at parenthood, I realised that one of the most powerful currencies of a child is parent's acceptance and approval. Till today, in most of my life's choices and decisions, I still seek both Home Ministers' seal of approval before I proceed to launch my next course of action.

I chanced upon an article recently and studies have shown that "..conditional parenting proved damaging. Those mothers who, as children, sensed that they were loved only when they lived up to their parents’ expectations now felt less worthy as adults."

I don't really know what does that mean in deep psychological sense but my years of education has helped me decipher that my mother's conditional parenting skills to reinforce my obedience could have actually caused me to suffer long-term psychological harm. If my mother reads this now, I am sure she will vehemently deny that her love for me is unconditional and her defence would be along the lines of "...of course I love you as my evil child without any strings attached." But according to studies, what counts is how things look from the perspective of the children — whether they feel just as loved when they mess up or fall short.

Eventhough my parents set up 101 rules for me that I couldn't understand back then (and some which I still have not understood), they helped me understand that rationality and sensibility are subjective. By not consistently appealing to mine interest helped equipped me with the strategies needed to contend with moments of tedium or instances when other’s interests supersede mine. Without strategies for tedium, I would most likely give up when a problem is too hard and I feels bored and frustrated. Thanks to dad, I have learnt that when I do not get what I want at the first instance, all I have to do is threaten to pack my bags and move out to the tent in my garden until they buy me or give me whatever I want at that time. Thanks to my no-nonsense and conditional loving mum, I also learnt that after sweltering under the tent for 2 hours, I will eventually get bored, tired, hungry and move back into the house - and to be greeted with the Cane, even worse off from where I have started. Sorry, I lack a conniving mind when I was 8.

 

Now, I have a greater respect for the sacrifices my parents made for me. And I don't mean material sacrifices. I mean the emotional ones of denying me a car when I was a teenager because they knew I liked to go out and more often than not over do it in libations. I hated them at the time but now it's different. Now I have a context for the past. Now I realize that they made tough choices and placed themselves in the roles of villains because they were guarding my well being and nurturing my potential.

As my parents' child, I am dependent on them to make the decisions when I am unwilling to or unprepared to. Sometimes, I will them to to be that bad cop for my own greater good. Even if I may resent them for some period for making my life miserable but in the long run, its always turn out sunshiney.

 

I also believe the study conducted as according to that article could be flawed because:-

a.) its written by an ang mor and so what does he know about asian parenting?;

b.) how many asian specimens did they interview to come up with that results?;

c.) I grew up to be a well-rounded kid, albeit a little emo at times;

d.) Most asian kids who grew up without the coodling have achieved pretty awesome things themselves, like most of my peers; and

e.) my parents have seen the depths of my heart and they still love me the same, or in fact, even more.

 

So, thank you mum and dad for being such amazing parents. Now at my quarter life crisis year, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 
Well, thanks to my parents for investing their life savings in a whole array of Enid Blyton and Brittania Encyclopedia, I did not become a stripper. I truly appreciate the sacrifices they have made for me just so I can grow up to be the lawyer I wanted to be since I was 10. and since I saw that child abuse advertisement. now i can start drafting my statement of claim against you both, muahahahaha!

Quay Side in Newcastle

I miss sitting by the river bank and watching the world go by.

Just another Junbug

After barraging my readers with a posts after posts of New year, countdown to New year and New Year related writing, my well of literary writing has run dry.

As I don't have a 3 year old kiddo to brag about

nor a husband who loves me endearingly and showers me with diamonds and more diamonds daily (yet)


nor am I a highflying career lady who jetsets to exotic places every week - there isn't much of life's gaffe to yak about.  Thus, my creativity juices that can flow are limited. Just like you cannot milk Long Island Tea(s) or Pina Colada(s) from a cow - I couldn't possible write about anything else other than topics I am kindred to.

Eventhough I do not lead an enthralling life, I trust things will pick up slowly over time. Since it is not rational or realistic to buy a husband online or to adopt a child from Africa just because the Jolie-Pitts are doing it, I am relatively stuck to make-do with the tools and little experience I have in life to keep my blog alive and my readers glued. I also do not have any profound interest in anything and even if I did once, it was just short-lived considering my short attention span - can't really go on ends about my panda obsession where I tried (but failed) to psycho my parents to buy one for me to keep in our garden. There is no particular celebrity that I worship and I hardly give two hoots if Jay Chou sings about boiled cabbages.

But I am still writing this blog because it is cheaper than therapy and I am certainly too poor to be able to afford a 100 dollars/hour session.

Reading back on my previous posts, I feel I have came a long way since when I first started. Writing and reading are highly therapeutic for me and gives me a great deal of perspective on life. By articulating my thoughts virtually, I am able to vent and rattle about my anguish, joy and various stages of my life to people that I have not meet, have not spoken to and also with those who are just too far and too busy with their lives to hear from me daily. I figured its not so much of what I have to say or what I have in life.

when I reach my golden years,

I know I can look back at my blog and have a good laugh.

I silently pray there will be more new ramblings to share as I go along in life.

Another Manic Monday

Why New Year Resolutions don't work

Peeps, Happy 2010! I am glad all of you made it back alive from the stampede of New Year's eve celebration that may have lasted till the wee hours of New Year's day itself for some. Hope you all had a whale of a fun that night with loud noises and slurred songs and that you have pulled yourself together - it could not have been pretty. 3 days must be more than enough for y'all to toast and roast in bed nursing your terrible hangover. Today, its back to reality baby. It's the 3rd day of 2010! It's time for our annual tradition of kicking off the New Year by setting ourselves up for failure and self-loathing.

What's your promise to yourself? Getting in shape? Getting organized? Getting out of debt? Getting in a relationship? Getting more involved in other things other than yourself?

Sure, I've made plenty of resolutions. They've all ended the same way. I'm still not ripped, and my room is still a mess.


My only resolution that has ever been successful is continuing to be totally awesome. That didn't take much work.

I've got no problem with resolutions. They're good things. But no matter how much we promise to ourselves that this year will be different, no matter how much we pray, no matter how much money we spend on a new home gym, 90% of us will give up our resolutions in failure.

I think I've got some reasons why.

1.) One whole day to make a commitment

Much like us Gentiles, the Jews  take New Year's to be a time of reflection, repentance, and promises of improvement. Know what comes before the Jew's New Year's? A whole month of psyching themselves up about how much more awesome they're going to be after the New Year. That's right. They spend a whole month looking at their lives, and what they're doing wrong, and how they can improve.

I on the other hand, see a random infomercial for a Bowflex, and on a whim decide that perhaps I should go to the gym...right after I finish this box of Oreos. I spend way more time thinking of what I should tell my family I want for Christmas, than I do telling myself what I want for New Year's. Because, after all, I can make the same resolution every New Year's. Asking for the same thing every Christmas is just stupid.

In other words, when you compare us to the Jews, the rest of us are kind of only using half our butts on this whole resolution thing. Anything that is given such a small amount of thought must not be that pressing.

2.) Resolutions aren't important

You've made it this far by being out of shape, disorganized, and dodging bounty hunters, and I applaud you. If you really needed to change, you would do it. But people are programed to take the path of least resistance. Most resolutions have no immediate benefit, either because they take too long, or they just aren't that beneficial to begin with.

If you want to change your life, it has to be a need. I'm going to need my shrink to tell me, "Nie, you must go and fall in love this year. If you don't, you will DIE a lonely death." Otherwise, why do today what I can put off until tomorrow? Most of us have resolutions that would be nice to keep, but not resolutions we need to keep.

3.) January is a terrible month to do Major things

 I personally am not a big fan of New Year's Day. It's usually cold as death outside, gray and wet, and depressing (when I was in England). January is a terrible month, and the start of a long, gray season (unless you're in Australia or live on the equator.) Everyone's taking down their dead Christmas trees. The only good thing is we have a bunch of new Christmas toys to play with while winter drags on.

They need to do a study to determine what is the most motivating day of the year, and make that New Year's. I vote for June 19th.

4.) Most resolutions are self-inflicted punishments

Most of us aren't masochists. We don't get some kind of weird pleasure out of inflicting pain on ourselves. But we pretend to be masochists on New Year's. We tell ourselves we've been "bad," and we're going to have to eat some "whole grains," or go "jogging" to punish ourselves for all the terrible stuff we've done to ourselves.

But within a week or two, most of us realize that we don't need to improve ourselves to raise our self-esteem, because there are medications that can raise our self esteems just fine, along with extending our lives far past what nature intended. So what's the point of living if you're going to be miserable?

What's your resolution? How are you not going to fail this year?