Week Buzz

This was how my week started....(Now you see it)

This is how I got through my week

Drink a gazillion cups of tea from my posh Starbucks thermos and feed on Toblerone.

This is how my week is ending....( Now you don't)

 

That's why I am ushering in the weekend looking like this

Sweeney Todd the Terrible Barber gave me an ugly fringe. Now I look like I just graduated from Law School, fml.

 

I also bring you updates from Plan Bee live from Newcastle

This is my Ex-Vietnamese Servant

He overbaked himself for the summer, doesn't look dashing anymore.

Do you wanna know how he gets through his week?

    

By annoying me over ebuddy daily.

HAVE A FANTASTIC FRIDAY EVERYONE!!

Humans - so hard to please

I have make it to the middle of a frenetic week. *pats on the back* I am anticipating re-runs of a week like this until my trial is completely over. Just yesterday, I spent the whole morning in Court yawning waiting for my case to be heard only to be told close to lunch time that it is postpone to the afternoon. Oh wells, the whole team took it to our stride,went for brunch and drinks next door, killed time and lugged ourselves back to Court again with full valour and excitement to fight our case - only to have it part heard and postpone to another date. This is the glamarous life I lead.

This whole 'lawyering' job sometimes saps up so much of my jovial happy fun self that I am worried, I will be turning to a grumpy-frumpy-old-wrinkled woman with a quarter-life-crisis (provided I am blessed to live a century, otherwise I am even more doomed) very soon. I just need a more balanced life. I need more people in my life. Working life can be a social suicide compared to the times when you were in college and living like a yuppie. There is only so much time and energy you have after a whole day at work. How am I going to find a rich and nice man to marry more balanced life?

At the start of the year, I told God (Yes, surprise surprise, I do pray) that if He puts more excitement in the things I do to be able to afford my expensive facials, a.k.a. makes me use more of my brains at work, I will think He is a crackerjack of a God and bug Him a wee bit less to send the right man my way. Anyway, God Answers Prayers. So my lawyering career picked up, my life got busier and everything became so hectic I don't even have time to oggle at guys at my favourite coffeehouse watch CSI. Hallelujah, Amen!

I am not very nifty when it comes to my prayers. I should have told Him - God, make me use my brains at work but don't overworked me, don't kill my social life and don't forget, I still want to use my uterus and find a man to inseminate my eggs.

Yes, so my life is a little off balanced because I asked for it. I craved to be thrown into the deep end of the pool and I took the stir stick and caused my own yeesang this pandemonium. *Why oh Why?!*

However I believe, in the grand scheme of things, the stars should eventually aligned and things should fall into place as I go along.*keeping my fingers and toes crossed*

Of course, deep down, I would want a more laid back life. Truth is, there are so many things I wish could have happened differently. But all in all, things happen for a reason. I try not to live life on "what ifs", I want to try new things, live out of my comfort zone, and yet be grounded in the right soil. In summation, even if I hit a maelstrom, I vow to hang on tight to my principles and not lose sense of myself.

So though life is not always rosy - SM doesn't always ring to make me laugh, I still have to work my tiny butt off at Planet Workplace and its been a year since I jetsetted to an exotic part of the world, I am satisfied with the decisions I have made. I would be telling the truth if I said the past months had been a sum of all the best decisions that I could have made for myself.

I am also satiated for now. Lucy Choo is back from the republic of kiasu-ism to entertain and amuse me. This is one woman who has seen me through thick and thin and everytime she returns on the jetplane, she never fails to bring me gifts. The benefits of having this woman as my bosom buddy. I love her for showering me with M & S cookies her hysterical laughters, for her encouragements, for her honesty and for being that person in my life I know I can fall back on no matter how far I have gone.

Baby, I am at the right place and at the right time - please convince me otherwise.

Lessons in Fabruary!

February has slowly picked up from the slow start that January had to offer for 2010. Made my first blunder of the year when I told my boss that our meeting in the capital city of KL with the clients was on a monday instead of tuesday. So I flew us both down south only to learn that next time, I should check my calendars properly otherwise I will earn myself an "accidental" shopping trip and spend all my lifetime savings on clothes I cannot afford. I put up the night with PW who has a holy neighbour with a penchant for singing and shrieking like a banshee in the wee hours of the morning. After 2 sleepless nights, one blunder, overswiped credit cards, crazy bumper to bumper jams and lotsa lotsa dust I just could not be happier to return to my paradise island to recover from the trauma and stress.

I am learning this from February : Learn from the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And always remember that the story is never over.  

Last night, SM was having one of his moody days and asked me out to make him laugh. I failed. Terribly. I realised how he is the one between us both who possess the fineesse to think of the most hillarious things to say and make us both laugh over it. When he turned the table around, all I had was my bony shoulders and a warm embrace. I lack his capricious ingenuity. I think that is how different and similar we can be at the same time. He is whimsical while I am stoic...maybe this is what you call a balance. Even on his melancholic days, he is still able to amuse himself silly.

I am learning this from SM : Learn how to entertain yourself. Close the door, crank up the stereo, and dork out. Invent new dance moves. Play the air guitar. Practice your touchdown moves. Too many people are self conscious even when they're alone. Don't be one of those people. While you're at it, learn how to laugh at yourself.

SM took me up to check the pool area at his gym which has an infinity pool. When I laid on the gazebo and stared up the unfanthomable midnight blue sky sprinkled with glitery diamonds, I thought of my favourite people all over the world who are also staring up the same bright sky. Somewhere out there, someone's thinking of me, I hope. Made my day and even my week's worries all dissipated. Stargazings  do wonders to your soul. SM shared his philosophical lecture on how Gengkis Khan, despite being such a great man and conquering vast amount of land in China, would also have his weak and vulnerable moments. Yes, that self-praising prick was comparing himself to the great Gengkis Khan. Although Gengkis Khan conquered and was ruler of many nations, he too was not happy all the time. He could have all the power and women in the world but he too could also be an emo kid. Just like SM, he may have a gazillion friends and bank in a 5 figure salary every month, deep down inside, he is also an emo kid.

I learnt this over my pool-side star gazings moment : Happiness is not fame, money or power. The key to life is finding your sweet spot.

What lessons do you think Nie can learn from you or situations? What's one life lesson that you would wish to share with Me? What's the best philosophical advice you ever received from someone? Care to spill it for the inquiring mind? *smiles*

 

This shall be a 'Fabrualous' month.

The magic is gone

My brain has been a giant site of useless junk churning with nonsensical ideas on how to convince my parents to spend more money on me. I could well afford quite a few things on my own now but I am just too stingy and the thought of having to spend my OWN hard earned money is not very appealing. Yes I am a horrible ungrateful offspring to have. As since all my brain energy is already channel to con my parents' money it takes me hours and days to compile enough mental willpower to create a blog worthy of your time and energy.

Life at work has also been hectic and CrAz-E.

I am always leaving work with tears welling, exasperated and very much wanting to just go home to a nice bathe. During my drive back home, tears will roll down my cheeks and I will silently pray that some kind hearted arsonist will torch planet workplace so I will never have to go back and endure a whole team of people who has contributed to my soaring blood pressure level. It's a rough start at work since the beginning of year 2010; I can't offer perfection. or anything resembling it for that matter. In fact, I am already at my wits end on what else can be done.

But I can offer an earnest desire to try harder, to get better. No, fuck that. I will be better. Because the one positive thing about being at the bottom is that things can only get better from here. And that I can promise: I will do better. Bit by bit, day by day. Nothing is insurmountable.

My heart is doing sommersault flips in my rib cage at the moment. I have my eye on someone who makes me laugh but that's never enough. to stare from afar and wish that things were a tad different. I am finding myself being enveloped in a warm facade of intimacy, becoming best friends from just mere acquaitance. I can only promise to laugh a little more and to be a little better. Scraped knees are easier to heal than broken hearts you say heh?

I wish things will eventually fall into place and this melee that is hanging like a mist over me will disperse soon so I can see the road ahead clearer. Where's my sprinkles of magical sweetness in life?

Another day has gone

Note to self : pay a visit to Borders and drown myself in the world of literary fiction. I need to breathe in those words and take a break from everything. and i mean it. every damn reality.

Life lately is one of those cinematic moments where I see the world spinning around me and I am caught outside my body, seeing everything in its chaotic perspective. I am feeling under considerable pressure and I am being forced to make concessions. I am not particularly happy with the state of affairs but I feel I have no alternative. If I were to forced issues, I would be completely left out or completely ignored by one or all. The frustration I feel at work with the people I have to work with is uncomprehenable. People who have been forced to be on my team, not by choice but by a decision from someone sitting on an expensive swivel chair. I am not too good at disciplinaring people. I loathe confrontations and every minute of it, I have to try to fight back those tears of anger, frustration, craziness and at the same time, maintain my sanity.

the sad thing is, I've got a dozen apologies, a dozen "i didn't mean it", a dozen pointing fingers, but no real acknowledgement of wrongdoing. in the aftermath, there is no real growth. no progress. no improvements. I am ending up with more explaning to do and a victim myself - a victim of ignorance, a victim of indifference and a victim of incompetent staffs. This just disappoints me. It's not that I dislike my job. Its just that this will be another reaffirmation that I have to be MORE assertive.

We may be different sizes of pebbles. In the end, we are still pebbles in the same pond. We make it our job to make as big a ripple as possible. Bigger ripples last longer. They travel faster. But in the end, we still sink to the bottom of the pond.

Voice of an angel

Logically, I am suppose to love my job. Besides the incompetentcy of some clerks, the barrage of paper work, the disorganised clutter of files, and the occasional moonlighting as a loan shark to chase for payments from scrooge like clients, there is really nothing to not like about my job. Honestly, there is nothing to complain save for the fact that I have this small squeaky voice that should have belong to a girl scout, not a lawyer. but that has nothing to do with my job. it's about me. it's about this mousy tiny sound I make everything I speak. It's the annoyance that I get everytime the caller at the other side would say, "can you speak louder? I cannot hear you." It is the exasperation that I face when they say that. That umbrage that will show in my heated up face from tuning my vocal chords a few volumes louder. Maybe it's time I prioritize and exercise my vocal chords.

I am trying to be honest with myself. Everytime I am on the phone with a client or a Defendant or anyone from work, I sound like I am trying to sell chocolates to them. Like a girl scout. I should have work at a friendship call centre so men  can call in to seek solace in my saccharine voice after a stressful day at work. This is the very voice that make good rational men weak in the knees. So I have this weakness. A not so powerful voice like Mariah Carey. but it's fucking sexy sensual. Talking to me is akin to watching porn - the more you hear, the more blood rushes and after awhile, you just feel like exploding. The acid test that seperates the boys from the men.

I suppose it does not help either that I hardly say no to people. I try to be as girl next door as possible and this usually gets me into more trouble. I either find myself committing to something I would not want to in the first place but will satisfy others. I should be more assertive next time. I think putting my foot down can be an effortless ingenuity. It saves time, money and effort.

After some careful cogitation, tonight, and every other night from tonight, I will devote 5 minutes of my time to practice my vocal chords and train it to a husky tone. I will also practice saying, "No" in different octaves. Growling Nos. Whimping Nos. Squeaky Nos. Cheerful Nos. Apprehensive Nos. Booming Nos. Fiery Nos. Simple Nos. Isn't this an unadulterated genius? never, never underestimate the power of petite me.

Be assertive.

B.E Assertive.

Sorry, no comments. I am the lawyer, not the judge. Just pay up your freaking debt. I am not  free. I cannot help. Learn it. live it. Speak it.

I am going back to loving my job. I am lovin' it.

When weekend comes

3 in 1

The pantry lady at work is a 3 in 1. She takes the order, makes the drinks and delivers them. 3 in 1 woman. After gentle rejecting her offer to make me coffee for 2 days, she finally caught me in the lift yesterday, just me and her, two woman riding up to Planet Workplace when she casually mentioned that my no-coffee-binging-habit for a lawyer is eccentric to her. I smiled shyly and threw in a line to edify her that I am allergic to the caffeine in coffee. In our 60 seconds ride up, she elucidated that I would not mind tea instead and would brew me a cup later.

Fast forward an hour after said lift ride, said pantry lady came in with said order. A steaming cup of tea with its tea leaves swimming at the surface. I was too polite to tell her I enjoy drinking tea but not eating tea leaves. I spent the next 3 hours sipping tea and using my teeth as sieve. Like a whale. Clenching my teeth together so only the tea glides through the tiny gaps between my teeth while the tea leaves are blocked out like sewage. I became a 3 in 1 during those 3 hours. I order, I drink and I sieve.

Because I am at work

15 minutes before lunchtime. Counting, I have been sitting on my ass for 4 hours and my back is showing signs of osteoporosis. If I were to report to mother ship of my progress in invading this little planet called, Workplace, I guess there is not much of a discovery YET. As far as I can tell, the Worklings dwelling in Planet Workplace are people who tries to stretch as little work as possible over a period of a few hours. A little piece of fact to support my above observation - the office clerk sitting next to me is still on the same page she has been typing since 9am this morning. Since the occupant of my designated room has yet to move out for the new resident evil, I am stuck sitting next to said workling who at the time of typing this sentence is taking orders from other worklings to purchase shoes and handbags. How are these two items related to law, I am baffled myself. There are still some mysteries surrounding this Planet Workplace that I have yet to have answers to.

Like most things new, this place feels raw. Little things can awe you and the tiniest act of kindness can make you pledge your kidney away. I am treading with caution and like most newbies, I want to be liked so I can blend in and be one of them. However there is a thin line to be drawn between desperately wanting to fit in and being a pushover. Sometimes, this line can be blurred and as friendly as every new kid on the block should be, I try not to come out as whimpsy, soft and set my boundaries clear. Play nice in the playground but do not let the other kids put sand in your buttcrack and still say nothing.

This is what I do for a living. No, not being a pineapple head, but defending a pineapple head.

Planet workplace is filled with people from crossgeneration. It ranges from those as youthful as Nie here to those who are just starting families and to those who has reach menopause. Each generation brings their own sets of values, principles, life experiences and a myriad of personalities. I think it is a battle alone to gain acceptance but it is a war to behave like an adult among a seas of OLDER adults. The older generations like to be asked, not be told. The younger ones have to push and sometimes dragged along. A friend once told me that you should have two faces to put on at work. One that reads, "I don't bite" or one that reads, "I am jaws".

Every job depends on us BEING nice. I like my current name and I don't intend to have it changed to Miss Meanie at work. The old days of office politics as a means of backstabbing are dead -- young people are bringing their team-player, I'm-competing-against-my-best-self mentality from their self-esteem-centric homes into the workplace, and there's nothing you can do except be nice back. So, I will try my very best to be peaches and cream!

Here's amongst the nicest advice and words I have heard before and since I started work:

Daddy Dearest                        : Be humble and don't tell everyone everything

Roomie from Planet workplace: Just do your work and act serious

Brazillian Chick                       : Don't be bitchy and don't gossip

Plan Bee                                 : Don't worry, everything will work out just fine (thank you for calling all the 

                                                way from Istana Baru to comfort me the night before)

Suavest Maximus                    : Will ice-cream take your stress away?

This is just the beginning of exploration of Planet Workplace, the rest is still unwritten and unexplored. Wish me Luck people..I am off to pacify my growling tummy.

Blessings

If  I am ever to count my blessings, the list will be long. I  must say, I am highly blessed. Just one week ago, I was on the brink of adding up the numbers of unemployed graduates in the country. On a limbo and with no where to go, my forehead creased with worry lines, my soft still voice told me to Be still, my parents told me to make sure I pack up everything at my firm and not leave anything behind, my friends told me to be happy and enjoy the break, my humor told me to laugh along with my current state of unemployment and my faith told me to Trust in Him. My prayers were along the line of, "God, bless me with a job soon otherwise make sure my husband to be floors the pedals of his metallic Beemer and arrive at my doorsteps soon, Amen!"

2 days later, the Lord of all the Earth caught my falling tears of joy - my worry was like a flower quickly withering and a vapor in the wind. No, Prince Charming did not arrive with the Harry Winston nor the bouquet of stargazer lilies. I have been offered a job as an associate in one of the biggest firms in the country. What have I done to deserve this brilliant offer? *grins* Though I would think Prince Charming would have been better as he would have save me from all the stress of working  but oh Well....I need to learn to be contented with life's little blessings. I am also patting myself on the back by taking what's left from 2009 and making the most of it. This step, this first baby step of leaving my old job and finding a new one, is something I never would have dreamt of 6 months ago. Might be a fleeting thought but one that was just playing in my mind until now.

I am now getting down to writting a list of things to buy with my next pay cheque.

Its no longer love

Something struck me today. I lament a tad too often about my current job situation, so much so in fact I have overlooked my God's purpose given life - to find a rich husband. For the past few months, I have tried to console myself by counting my blessings, thanking my lucky stars and cursing the stark reality that monies do not grow on trees. Much to my dismay, all that Opera Talk doesn't seem to make me feel better about my state of job dilemma.

My everyday routine at work is such a hamster wheel of life. I am stuck in a catch-22 situation. I know the things I do even with both eyes close but there is a downside, I am not learning enough to boost a learning curve on my growth chart. In fact, there is no curve here. A small bend, but definitely not a curve. Compare my chart to that of a slow dying patient's heart rate, same beat, different people. So yes, I am dying a slow death. No correction, my learning growth is taking a plunge.

I was talking to the 5.30 man today, spilling out my fears on how soon I will be joining the 5000 unemployed Malaysian citizens. I am not really looking forward to join the bumming club. It would be a comfort if the bumming club has a fund for its members to survive on, A Bumming Foundation of some sort that pumps a weekly allowance into our bank account based on the hours we bump around. reality hits you with an ice bucket of water. No such Bumming Foundation, Honey!

I used to find joy in my job. During my first week at work, I was all geared up to be named employee of the year. Then this enthusiasm somehow dwindle over the months. My brain shuts down after lunch time, I skip off to the loo as often as a person with a diarrhoea and I start to count each second of the clock, praying that time will pass faster. The amount of work sucked all joy left in me. It leech on my social life, crash into my sleeping hours and slowly implanted a virus into my head, with symptoms like Monday Blues, Social cramps, Pounding workload and sniffling worries. A holiday used to kill the virus but like all flu viruses, it mutates and gets stronger. Now, 2 dosage of chill pills and plenty of rest on saturdays and sundays doesn't seem to kill this virus anymore. I come back from the weekend feeling more lethargic than ever. Weaker than ever. The first throes of excitement in this job has dissipated. There comes a time when not knowing was scary, wondering if your colleagues will like you and vice versa, or if the pantry serves yummylicious cookies and slurpy drinks. A sense of excitement, just like your first day at school is scary, but it is essential to attraction. commitment to a job.

The conventional wisdom tells us that you should do something you love. There should be passion and a burning flame of wanting to learn, to explore, to know and to venture. But if there is no heart - what is there to love? Familiarity breeds contempt. I am beginning to feel that in this age of fast pace achievement where success seems to be achieved overnight, I am forfeiting the gruelling hardship that everyone should go through. I just want something quick. fast. easy. nothing too complicated. the sense of mystery is now subsumed by the mundane.

I realised, I love my job but I am no longer in love with it. I am losing this feeling and right now, I am so torn. so burnt out. so lost. It's time to stop lamenting and do something about all this bottled up frustrations. I am contemplating setting up a complaint department in my office. Something like this: -

A prestige motherhood

I have been hit with a draught for words lately. My literary brain cells have come to a slow halt and as time goes by, I find myself lost for things to blog about. scampering for something to talk about and searching for the right words to aptly string my sentences. I am beginning to understand better what a writer's block mean.

The weeks seem to fly by at 60mins/hour. Everytime I look up the clock, it will be breakfast hour. Lunch hour. tea hour. and then pack-your-bags-shut-down-your-laptop-hour. They say you have found your passion at work when time whizz by at the speed of light. I wouldn't argue with them but I also would not agree that I have found my passion at work yet. 9 months have come and go and yet I still have an average of 5 moanings a day about this. I still go through my "morning sickness" at the thought of work. I don't glow like the rest. I am just bloated. I am almost due to deliver the consequence from one night of bad decision but doubts still swirl in my hormones. What one night? That one night. There was this one night, fresh from college and intoxicated with brilliant stars on my graduating certificate, I went to bed with this man, named Rational. Rational slowly lay me bare in his arms, inserted his Conscience into me and planted his seed of "law school" in me. So here I am carrying the "child" of this one night stand. The product of Rational and the seed of "law school". I am going to join this league when the "child" is due - a league of legal professionals. A role where only the elite few are privy to. A role that will require loads of nurturing and sacrifices.

I have come to realise that its all a little too late for an "abortion" now. I have carried this "child" too far now to kill it off and pretended that one night with Rational did not happen. I am partially delighted in looking forward to deliver it and to join that prestige league of legal professions but I am also partially afraid. I may not be ready for this. I am not prepare for all that will come. It may just be too overwhelming. I am still so young to "mother" another. *shudder shudder*

Then again, this might just be a post traumatic stress disorder from my 9 months of carrying this burden.

Or I will have to speak to Rational again after the "baby" is born.

Or I will have to just think of an alternative to get rid of the "baby".

Or is this what they called a writer's block?

10 reasons why I should not work

1.) unearthly waking hours - all the talk about early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy and wise is a whole load of hobo that hardly anyone practices anymore. so hell with waking up at 630 for dim sum or a morning jog. my warm bed wins hand down especially on a rainy morning.

2.) sleep deprived - there can never be enough hours for sleep. 8 hours seem to fly by when I am in slumber land.

3.) inhuman working hours - we slog for more than 12 hours and our bosses still thinks we are lazy. they often forget that we are made of flesh and not steel. we run on human energy and not energizer batteries.

4.) hair loss acceleration - this is what happens with all the hair pulling.

5.) the long commute - unless you live next door to your workplace, the traffic and the long drive sometimes make you wish you have a teleport machine.

6.) little social hours - no more sitting around at starbucks for a good cuppa chai tea latte and enjoying the chit chats with your buddies.

7.) stressful dealings with crazy bosses - every day at work is like going in to a weather station. Sunny, cloudy or rainy. Rain or shine, just bring your machintosh.

8.) psychotic work environment - try a day at the psychiatrict ward and a day at the office. same environment, different name.

9.)hauntings of workload - the neverending saga of work, work, and more work.

10.) less time to find a husband - I spend so much time coop up at the office i wonder if I should actually be out there finding the one I will spend my forever with. there is so much of your life you can work...what happens when you retire?

p/s: I have to grow up, I know.

Wheel of Life

Last night's outing with the Wednesday provoked a profounding realisation upon me. Our life is such a routine that we all need something to look forward to. A detour. A pinch of spice or a splash of colour to what's grey and dull. Taken the average working week, we spent nearly 12 hours (sometimes more) working and/or commuting to work and what's left after deducting 8 hours of sleep (if we are lucky) is nothing more than 4 hours that seemed to whizz by in Bullet Train style. There is not much social hours, not much cup-of-tea-time, not much My-time and not much to keep us going unless we work in the entertainment industry, PR, or anything to do with a hip-hop beat, which most of us don't.

Its such a routine, doing the same thing week after week and yet the grim fact remains, we are stuck in this lifestyle. Like the adults always say, welcome to the working life. The closest friends you make at work are a chosen few : - heart attack, stress, hair loss, boredom and lost of sleep. There may be loads of tedium and toil but little of excitement and joy. The hamster wheel of work has become our life and sometimes we ponder, "how did we ever get here?" Soon after, we drone on in the fog of a mundane life for so long that we forget how to enjoy life, how to have fun and how to catch the silver linnings in the dark clouds. Is work all about sustaining ourselves financially? Has everyone fall prey into believing that if we don't work, we are lazy bummers? Actually, it is not a myth. Its true that the society place an importance of bringing home the bacon and topping up the figures in our bank accounts. The rat race to be employed, to ascend the corporate ladder, and to be a workaholic has all been programmed into us...or some of us.

We all need that rainbow to keep us going. That promise after the storm. A silver lining for us to look out for. A purpose to drive us. Humans were made to have meaning, without purpose, life is meaningless. Rick Warren wrote, "“Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning.” Are you caught in your daily dilemma of the hamster wheel? Going round and round, day in day out, just drifting along life and your motto is, "come what may"? A purpose produces passion and by knowing your purpose, you will be passionate about achieving it.

I think sometimes, it no harm to take a little break, take time off to contemplate on how life has been? Do you realise that everytime someone ask their perfunctory, "how are you?", we reel our automated answer of, "I'm fine, thank you?" Is our life really fine? Or are we satisfied with just being fine?

God, grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Gap year in Asia

I'm nearing in to the "third trimester" of my chambering period. Another 3 months and I am going to throw in the towel and take a break, at least for awhile - to breathe, recuperate and to rot. During the past 6 months I have discover much to my horror of horrors that law school had 'failed' to teach me a few essential-must-know-to-be-a-lawyer, that is, the patience to wait in court, the stamina to cope with crazy work hours and that law practice is not for the faint hearted. Over the last 2 weeks, I found an excuse to avoid working myself to the bones and to death. I have decided to take a 2 weeks break to teach orphans English in Beijing or Vietnam.


My top 4 (and only) reasons for choosing Beijing are:
1.) because it will be winter and I miss winter
2.) because my yellow skin will fit in perfectly
3.) because then I can go to the Great Wall
4.) because I can then visit my great great great great grand aunt

go away to some remote jungle and hibernate

I sure hope Great (x4) grandaunt lives somewhere near here

My only reason for the alternative choice of Vietnam: -
1.) John is contemplating of going there and its good to have John along to be my bodyguard, tour guide, and companion.
Then again, I might not end up teaching English as taking time-off means getting no pay and living of my bank account. I have to make sure I do not deplete my savings and bleed dry and Vietnam sure provides for a myriad of part-time jobs...

I can try agricultural science

I can try marketing

I could try aquaculture, (fishing)

Enough ramblings for today. I have taken my pre-requisite 20 minutes daily breather and now I have to go back to my mountain of work...sighhhh...

Another Wednesday

Last night over Pizza and spaghetti, I shared with the Wednesdays about my firm's horror stories. the ghastly truth on how they enslave my intelligence and naivety to get things done within 24 hours. Even wonderwoman has off days. I don't. I still work on weekdays. So all the stories of how God created the world in 6 days and rest on the 7th day...doesn't seem to apply post-adam-ate-the-apple-sin-fall. The 5.30pm man suggested I take my horror stories to lodge a complain with the Bar Committee. He is the 5.30pm man because, as the name clearly suggest, he leaves work, 5.30 sharp. Any one minute more is overtime!! Horror 101.

I have never and i repeat never -left work at exactly 6 sharp. When it happens, it must be the day I quit my job. Then again, in this economic downturn, I should be grateful that I am working to the core of my bones and filling up my bank account. I should also be thankful I was offered employment in a prestigious firm a week after returning from England. My fair english glow must have been alluring. Hopefully, Baker & McKenzie in HongKong will treat me kinder when the great move happens. HongKong here I come..!! Whee!! So albeit all the complaints I have brewing inside me and the numerous letters I have typed and saved in word doc, I still count my blessings . The astronomist has been posted for his internship there for 6 months already and he is loving every bit of the chinese island. I take his words for the gospel and trust that when its my turn there, I too, will love every bit it. So I will start stocking up on the "I love Hongkong T-shirts"!! They say lawyers earn the greens, they never see how green we turn with the mountain of work we have. All the perceptions and false notions outsiders are lure into believing...a tinge of ignorance. We are afterall in a profession that is famously known for their habitual liars.

Thanks to the Wednesdays, Raksasa menentang Makluk Asing (a.k.a Monster Vs Alien) was a smashing movie. As the Wednesdays' motto is - we are halfway there. We are halfway of the week, halfway to insanity and halfway through the year. Its June again. The month of the year. My month of the year to be exact. Life is easier to be comprehend when we compartmentalise it. Split it up to months, weeks and days. That way, I feel less overwhelmed by 365 days...true, there are ups and downs but like I always say, the journey to the other side of the rainbow is a long and winding journey. Rainy days are for us to dance in the rain!!

let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder

don't you know the hardest part is over

let it in,

let your clarity define you

in the end

we will only just remember

how it feels

our lives are made

in these small hours

these little wonders,

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away,

but these small hours,

these small hours still remain

let it slide,

let your troubles fall behind you

let it shine

until you feel it all around you

and i don't mind if it's me

you need to turn to

we'll get by,

it's the heart that really matters in the end

12 random excuse to escape boredom at work

1. My inability to speak proper Chinese and yellow skin often prompt people I just meet to ask me, " are you Chinese or Malay?" followed by "are you local?"3 quarters Vietnamese, 1 quarter Thai - that makes me a hybrid homosapien and not exactly local. I am just an immigrant from north mainland who is seeking refuge on the island.

2. I was brutally abuse by evil swimming coaches and piano teachers who scared my life to success. I dominated the swimming scene when I was four after my coach threw me in the pool on my first lesson and nearly drown me. I could play the Beethovan when I was six after my piano teacher hit my fingers with a metal ruler for failing to curl my fingers every time I played. At 21, after graduating from law school, I vowed to hunt these people down and sue them penniless. Just kidding!

3. My grandmother believes pills are the magical solution to all ailments. If I come down with something, it's because I'm not taking enough pills. I have no idea how people survived before nutritional supplements if her theories are true.

4. My favourite ice cream topping is marshmallow. No other ice cream parlor serves that here except Swenson's.

5. I dislike pretentious people. People who say nice things and what you want to hear but never the truth. In my opinion, only those who are spineless are unable to speak the truth with grace and love.

6. I tend to concentrate better when allowed to manifest an obsession over a single project at the expense of all other aspects in my life. This seems to run contrary to my current strategy of taking on way too many things at once and attempting to pay equal attention to them all.

7. Until last Spring, I honestly believe I was going to force myself to move Down Under and devote my life to my college sweetheart because I never had to guts to walk out of his life.

8. I keep a blog that I update when I have nothing better to do at work. It allows me to feel the thrill of doing something 'illegal'. If you can't find my blog, you can stop reading on.

9. I always wanted to go to Norway to see the Northern Lights. I still do.

10. Most people would say I am pretty uptight. I try not to belittle anyone I just met or know but ultimately, I still think highly of myself.

11. I don't like to share. I don't share my food and I don't like to know my best friend is someone else's best friend too. I like to have things of my own and yet people view this as selfish. Right?

12. I believe God has a funny way of poking fun at my love life. He puts people in my life and make them love me only to take them away when I am starting to love them.

Wednesday Ramblings

My ebullient nature fell like leaves during autumn time. My obsession with the pass reflects in my incessant return to the same few themes, scenarios and questions; mine meticulous examination and re-examination of banal minutiae for hidden meanings that simply aren't there; like cancer, it has its way like how an idee fixe usurp other important organs of function. this obsession is a mental exhaustion that threatens to black out my life -- is that it is confining, not rebellious, and not fascinating but maddeningly dull.

The french screams merde when they can't orgasm after 20 minutes of thrusting. I feel like an exemplar of someone drowning in a sewage of merde. After 1 year of thrusting, the vaginal stays in a dry spell. No succor seems to be available to rescue me from the dry spell or any e.coli infection from all the thrusting in a sewage system.

No cadging for the past 366 days seems to work. There seems to be no light to my black hole of abulia, feeling feckish by each slow thrust, numbed. Oh man, this is eating my up.

Dear dairy, will i lose my raillery one day with this draught of sagacity? what do you think can mollify me? A taste of some Michelangelo paintings in Italy or perhaps a rendezvous of the sex museum in Paris? A walk down the Thames in London or to catch a picturesque aplenglow in Switzerland again? Maybe feed some kangaroos in Australia or walk till corn sprouts on my feet in Hong Kong?

Its time the public who call themselves my friends start showing some generosity to my Disneyland fund. I should start writing emails to them, highlighting my plight and destitute life. I must do something to precipate my trip to Disneyland...sell my collection of adult toys, write some adult novels and direct some adult films. anything adult to fulfill my childhood dreams. Life is a box full of chocolates. Currently I am chewing on the dark ones. Bitter and I am beginning to long for the raisin filled saccharine ones