Do I need a man

A man or a koala?

Come this Friday, I will be a year older, a year wiser and a year closer to my quarter life crisis - given that I am blessed with a life span of 100 years. With a bright future ahead, a fabulous budding career, lovely family and a pet dog, and fiercely loyal and wickedly funny friends, I know I am way luckier than some and should be thanking my lucky stars. But as my biological clock ticks at an alarming pace, I am getting anxious by each ticking about the one thing that is missing from my otherwise peachy life - a decent man to call my own.

If it's not too much to ask the universe, I want a husband — not a boyfriend, not a lover, not even a glorious psychedelic one-night fling — but a wedding band and the Vera Wang gown of my dreams. Can my future happiness await on fate? What about lesson number one that I have read all about : If you can't learn from your past, how can you expect to move forward?

Just how far am I prepared to go to fulfill the legacy of knight in shinning armour. My mass laundry list for what befits a gallant knight who will win my love. Prince charming are a dying breed. They also no longer come in handsome white stallions but now ride in shinny metallic BMWs.

Last night after I shared my fears of having to spend eternity alone with the astronomist, he neighed so loudly on the other side of the phone I almost fell of my bed. He felt my rational sometimes was in such incongruity to my intelligence and is beginning to doubt the validity of my law degree. How can an elite educated girl like me be disquietude over finding an eligible bachelor and trying to control something as abstruse as fate, he asked. Its like playing God, he added. It's lucid at this stage of life to get fervent over when your life partner is going to arrive...is he just late or is he never arriving, I retaliated.

His reply was simply, enjoy life now, single or attach - there are always rays of sunlight to catch even in the darkest part of the wood, like your lavender fields. His honest voice lent credence to my modern riff that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

At this moment, I hear wedding bells chiming and church Organs playing. I am treading the fuzzy lines and enjoying the honey in the milk (honey being joy and happiness and milk being life's essential), self-interest, self-preservation, contentment and passion, I am honestly aching to look at love as the sum of our choices as opposed to finding the right one. We choose the one our soul fits with and the one our soul colour matches. Not by a big bang kaboom of stars aligning but rather by careful selection. Like groceries shopping. The food that satisfy our taste buds, the washing liquid that is most fragant to our senses and the toilet rolls which are softest to our skin.

The astronomist begs to differ. He said, "at life's big fork, we either turn left or turn right. In finding love, you cannot be clouded by notions of old romantic relationship and there is no right or left to take. You hardly use your common sense. You wait. For that big lightning bolt. We leave our ideology of love to ambuigity and compromise and when that someone finally comes along, love her as your chosen one and love the one you are with." I could fell the heat on my cheeks as I blush pridefully. I am his chosen oneeeeee...ahhh..

Its no denial that I do not fully subscribe to the astronomist's school of thoughts. However, more often than not, he is right. His astounding philosophical view of life and love are the very reasons why he is that man who holds me in a special place in his heart. I don't need a man, I just need an astronomist who will read the Northern Stars and lead me straight to his warm embrace and to the one I choose to love.

p/s: thank you, A , for loving me amongst my silly agonies.