I was palavering with John (not the baptist) 2 nights ago about his life abroad. He told me how his first few months was the toughest for him and that eventually he started to adjust to fit himself in the circumstances that God has brought him to. Just like me, John is no stranger to living abroad having studied in England before but he still had his struggles, his moments and his trials.
When I first arrived in England , I struggled to understand the native English speakers, brace the harsh winters, wait for the public transport, and the whole enchilada of living on my own. I was out of my comfort zone and it was ferreting out the incognito Britain, all by myself. Sure, we had our group of friends but we were still on constant search for home in our English house. We frantically grapple to adjust to the howling winds and sub-zero temperatures, the funny English accent and above all else, the loneliness of living abroad. We go back to a house, not a home. An empty place, an empty house, a hole inside my heart. A place where we temporary reside for our year (s) there. Even with our close-knit of friends and arrangement of weekly get together, in our hearts, in the depths of our emotions, we miss the familiarity of smiling faces, jokes, conversations, a heart-to-heart talk, family, friends and the aroma of our favourite dish. No matter how great the recipe is, the taste is never just right. No matter how heated the place is, the warmth is missing.
We are so caught up in the expectations and the whirlwind of life around us that we forget to really look at the conditions of our heart. If you want to see something in your life that you have not seen before, you have to do something that you have never done before. For me, that was living all by myself. Getting things all done by myself and waking up alone in my house, cooking in an empty place and eating in front of the tv..all alone. My heart cried out silently every moment I felt alone. I never felt so empty and for once I saw how blessed I was back home. It is alone when we are away, when we lose something that we learn how to appreciate it. It is also at that moment that we try, to find in every nook and cranny and in every way possible, to get it back, be it a person, a thing, a feeling or even God.
Its like my Prawn Mee affair. I always had Prawn Mee at my beck and call everytime I felt like eating it. I took it for granted because I know it was always there. Just a 15 mins drive away or even a phone call away. So I neglected my Prawn Mee for more glorious food. Marinated duck in tangerine sauce, Creme Brulee, Puddings, Shepherd's Pie...not just food, but heavenly food. Until I went to England of course. I was craving for Prawn Mee 2 weeks upon arrival on English land. Like a insatiable craving where I would imagine having Prawn Mee in the midst of my meals and I would lie in bed praying for God to send someone to set up a Prawn Mee stall. China Town has never heard of Prawn Mee and I searched...far and wide...No prawn mee to my despair. Mark and Spencers did an excellent job of emptying my bank account monthly with their M & S food but it could...it can NEVER replace my love for Prawn Mee.
It make sense. What we have, we take for granted. Just like God's grace and God's goodness, we neglect it and sometimes, we abuse it. He gives us the freedom to make choices because the love He has for us, was not forced on us but given to us abundantly. An Agape Love. He ask for us nothing in return but yet, look at the depths of our hearts. the mustard seed of faith that we cannot even plant in Him and we dare pray for rewards double the size of that seed.
When thrown in the wild, when in tribulations and trials..we need to seek for Him and not moan of why He puts us in that position. Seek His kingdom first and all shall be given. In the dark, search for that light. In loneliness, seek for His companionship. In despair, seek for His comfort. In confusion, seek for His wisdom.
John taught me something that night in our chatroom. Sometimes God throw us a little further from our comfort zone so we can learn to come back to Him. To know that all the fast and ferocity of the world can never replace His love for you.
Come back to His loving Arms.
