An English Awakening

I honestly believe that at some time in our lives, the humdrum of reality will make us languorous. I am finding myself ensconce in a world where responsibilities and tedium is a daily suffocation and yet I can find no exit from it. Scribbling on the walls of Sprinkles of Magical Sweetness is my sole evanescent from the drift of adulthood.


This is where my thoughts are genuine, real and alive - as far as words, phrases, lexicons, sentences allow me to express. A place where I do not have to display maturity, stoicism nor pull up my socks and buckle up my shoes. Unlike the world I inhabit it, this is where people do not recognise me by my face...I am associated with the chemerical, the fairytales, the lovestories, the anecdotes, and the words that people read.

It took me over a year to detached myself from England. I held on so desperately to the little bits and pieces of memories, photographs, souvenirs, texts, messages, e-mails and whatever article that has an inprint of Great Britain over it. Everytime I bump into something or someone that reminds me so much of England, my heart will whimper, "I know you". I will shuffle my feet nervously, be on the verge of choking up and beret myself for not being able to let go. Talking about England always brings a glow to my face. That nostalgic glow.

Though it is good to be back, I only wish it wasn't so soon.

I still remember vividly that one night in England with ML in my living room packing and unpacking our boxes, half of our belongings strewn all over and unable to decide what to discard, what to keep and what to give away. I tucked away some of the best things England had given me in the reccesses of my mind and flew home at the beginning of autumn, when the leaves were falling and if you kick up those leaves, the magic is gone.

I flew back to England for the last time, smack right into winter for Sarah & Mark's wedding, graduation, and to be called to the English Bar.  I have finally arrived at the end of the road of a long and winding holistic education. Plan Bee was kind enough to house me in the winter and kept me warm and well fed with his yummylicious family recipes when I was there. He was also sweet enough to take me out for a romantic candlelight dinner at our favourite Spanish Restaurant the night before I left and helped me packed my luggage. He spread out on my suitcase like a Starfish so I can close it and warned me not to open it again until I have arrived back home. All that was 15 months ago but snippets of it still play in my mind.


It was heartbreaking when Plan Bee and I stood out in the cold and hugged each other tight. "I will see you back home", he said. I held back tears and slide into my cab which took me to the Central Station and transported me out of Newcastle, forever. That was when I thought to myself, This is it. This is real. No more texts of "I will see you in Eldon Square in 5 minutes", no more "Let's go to Morrison", no more "I am waiting for the 39/40 bus lah", no more stupid snow, no more "Counter No. 5", no more...end of english stories.

I checked my phone for the last time at Paddington station before hoping onto the Heathrow Express with a heavy heart...O2 has served me well for the years I was there. My phone beeped and beeped with all the goodbyes text, wishes of farewell and safe journey, all the request to come back soon -  If I could be more dramatic, I would have broken down, wailed, sat by the railway track and pledge my soul to England.  

And so here I am now. In the vestibule of the past and the present. I have encapsuled a huge chunk of England and  I am burying it in my lavender field. I have done a pretty good job cleaning up all sense of familiarity and longing for that country. A place that has open up sights, experiences, memories and given me a horde of friends from all over the world. It has connected me and awaken my senses, my thoughts and taught me independence. To quote, I matured in England.

Now, I am moving again. I lied at the beginning of this story. I did find the exit from the daily humdrum but I am just wondering - is this exit for me to take? A story I will leave for some other day.

Tea and scones are waiting for me.

If ever we say goodbye

I have enough statistical results to show that distance often kill relationships even the most romantic and loving ones. It is just too hard to keep something alive when you are miles away - out of sight, out of touch and out of mind.

It's like a garden. If you don't tend to it after a long time, the flowers will just wither and die and weeds will grow and kill your plants.

When I started hanging out with SM, he was an exercise freak. On most weekend evenings, he will go for his jog at this place and since yours truly here don't do running and sweating, he drops me at this nearby fruit juice stall to get high on natural sugar and hydrate myself silly. This hobby then slowly died off and it has been quite awhile since I visited said fruit juice stall. Yesterday, after a long time, he decided we should go there and get our shots of fruity goodness.

It's often at our little sit and sip sessions (sss) that I find my heart strings being strummed. It must be the sugar. They make my heart palpitate a little more, my pupils dilate, my knees wobble and my cheeks florid. I think that is why as a kid, my parents have allow only very small dosages of sugar into my bloodstream, otherwise I would be having fits all the time.

SM casually mentioned if I move away from the beautiful island or to a distance further than a radius of 40km from him, he thinks I will not be laughing as much anymore because cracking a joke over the phone will not have the same effect as telling it straight to my face.

I think what he meant was it will not be plausible to be mean to me and watch my face cringe with annoyance.

Alot has changed since we first started hanging out, except the being mean and horrible to Nie part did not go through an evolution. In between our talks and laughter, SM and I have learnt to fit into each other's comfort zone, so much so that sometimes he forgets I am a girl with very tender feelings and emotions. Although his mirthful words can be quite blunt and hurtful at times, I have learnt to temporize that issue. It is friends like SM that I appreciate most because he is not afraid to share his sincerest opinions with me. Tactful openness and honesty are traits I look for in people whom I let in my heart.

I cannot tell if our propinquity is a factor that has bonded us. I also have no idea will I still laugh as much as I do now when he is not around anymore. But I do know, if we do say our goodbyes, the scintilla of joy that he has brought to my life will dispers. As much as some people lights up our life, the certainty of that bright glow lasting is like a candle in the wind.

Long distance relationships do not work. What more friendships?! There is no commitment or promises to hold on to and it is just too much hardwork. SM also finds it silly to chat on the phone because he said he is not a shareholder in Maxis. So if I ever move across the ocean, he will just delete my number and forget me.

Being the busy person he is, the only time he ever has for me is after midnight, when he is lying in bed and cannot sleep! During the day and before midnight, he is busy running errands ; Busy clicking on his BB; Busy  replying his emails ; Busy yanking on the phone ; Busy living up to his lifestyle ; Busy gulp gulping ; Busy gobble gobbling ; Busy grumble grumbling.

I just fit in after 12, after all that busyness has settle down. In conclusion, I am the least of his priorities and worries. Because I am independent? Because I just am the filling to his void? Because I just so happen to be there? Because he finds solace in being mean to me? Because I allow him to run his busy life while I fall behind and everytime he turns around, he can be assured, I will always be there?

The veracity of reality is such that when someone leaves, they leave behind a gap in our heart that we want to fill. Be it physically and/or emotionally. Even if SM encounter difficulties to replace such a wondrous fabulous friend like me, he will go against the odds and find one homo sapien with a vagina and breast. So will I. Because we do not like emptiness.

We like to be filled up. We are like cars too. We cannot function on an empty tank. We cannot move forward without fuel. However, should it be really difficult to find our preferred "type of petrol", we can settle for any "type" as long as it fills us up and keeps us running.

Even if in the deep recesses of our hearts, we miss the people who are miles away from us, the distance often becomes a toll and over time, the emails stop coming, our ringing phone no longer bears your number, the conversations come to a halt, a replacement comes in one form or another and the gap in our hearts eventually closes up, albeit with visible cracks. This is what I sometimes call, the coping mechanism.

So, even if I leave, even if one day SM is no longer there to make me laugh, even if he no longer calls, even if the bridge is burn, and even if my heart aches so badly because I miss having him by my side, I must move on and cope with the lost. Just like how I have lost others through the oceans and the miles - SM will be another statistical number.

This is one of the reasons I am really grateful I keep this blog. Its gratifying to be able to trash my feelings out here when I can find no one to share it with.

Oh when happiness comes MARCHing in

As I March into a fresh beginning of the 3rd month of the Year 2010, I could not be more thankful for Planet Workplace who splurge a bom to pamper me with a great weekend relaxing on the beach, baking under the sun, inhaling the salty air of the sea, and above all else, sleeping for upteenth hours on comfy bed and snuggling under silky sheets. I believe I truly deserve the luxurious golden treatment after all the stress, sweat and tears I have spilled in the battle to ensure Planet Workplace constantly stays at the top of the pyramid of the Work Galaxy.

My parents have been darlings enough to spoil me too. They finally decided that I deserve to have my phone upgraded since I can now afford to pay my own phone bill. So since the trust fund is paying, why hold back right? I swapped my trusty Samsung that has faithfully served me for 4 years ever since I graduated from Uni for today's latest Apple's technology.

From this

to this

 I don't think I will need to bore you with how awesome the iphone can be. So I will humbly leave you boys and girls scurrying to the nearest Apple Store to get one of this awesome gadget for yourself too.

Yes, I know how easily contented I get with little things in life. While my peers' tycoon parents are splurging on the latest Channel or the coolest sports car in town on them, my iphone is like gold dust on a mountain of treasure. In my endless pursuit of happiness, I think it is always good to be servile. Besides, I rather like to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty. At least, I got myself a new phone. *GRINS*

The magic is gone

My brain has been a giant site of useless junk churning with nonsensical ideas on how to convince my parents to spend more money on me. I could well afford quite a few things on my own now but I am just too stingy and the thought of having to spend my OWN hard earned money is not very appealing. Yes I am a horrible ungrateful offspring to have. As since all my brain energy is already channel to con my parents' money it takes me hours and days to compile enough mental willpower to create a blog worthy of your time and energy.

Life at work has also been hectic and CrAz-E.

I am always leaving work with tears welling, exasperated and very much wanting to just go home to a nice bathe. During my drive back home, tears will roll down my cheeks and I will silently pray that some kind hearted arsonist will torch planet workplace so I will never have to go back and endure a whole team of people who has contributed to my soaring blood pressure level. It's a rough start at work since the beginning of year 2010; I can't offer perfection. or anything resembling it for that matter. In fact, I am already at my wits end on what else can be done.

But I can offer an earnest desire to try harder, to get better. No, fuck that. I will be better. Because the one positive thing about being at the bottom is that things can only get better from here. And that I can promise: I will do better. Bit by bit, day by day. Nothing is insurmountable.

My heart is doing sommersault flips in my rib cage at the moment. I have my eye on someone who makes me laugh but that's never enough. to stare from afar and wish that things were a tad different. I am finding myself being enveloped in a warm facade of intimacy, becoming best friends from just mere acquaitance. I can only promise to laugh a little more and to be a little better. Scraped knees are easier to heal than broken hearts you say heh?

I wish things will eventually fall into place and this melee that is hanging like a mist over me will disperse soon so I can see the road ahead clearer. Where's my sprinkles of magical sweetness in life?

To cut or not to cut

I am contemplating chopping my locks, save on shampoo and cut down the time on my blow dry sessions. What do you think?

Just another Junbug

After barraging my readers with a posts after posts of New year, countdown to New year and New Year related writing, my well of literary writing has run dry.

As I don't have a 3 year old kiddo to brag about

nor a husband who loves me endearingly and showers me with diamonds and more diamonds daily (yet)


nor am I a highflying career lady who jetsets to exotic places every week - there isn't much of life's gaffe to yak about.  Thus, my creativity juices that can flow are limited. Just like you cannot milk Long Island Tea(s) or Pina Colada(s) from a cow - I couldn't possible write about anything else other than topics I am kindred to.

Eventhough I do not lead an enthralling life, I trust things will pick up slowly over time. Since it is not rational or realistic to buy a husband online or to adopt a child from Africa just because the Jolie-Pitts are doing it, I am relatively stuck to make-do with the tools and little experience I have in life to keep my blog alive and my readers glued. I also do not have any profound interest in anything and even if I did once, it was just short-lived considering my short attention span - can't really go on ends about my panda obsession where I tried (but failed) to psycho my parents to buy one for me to keep in our garden. There is no particular celebrity that I worship and I hardly give two hoots if Jay Chou sings about boiled cabbages.

But I am still writing this blog because it is cheaper than therapy and I am certainly too poor to be able to afford a 100 dollars/hour session.

Reading back on my previous posts, I feel I have came a long way since when I first started. Writing and reading are highly therapeutic for me and gives me a great deal of perspective on life. By articulating my thoughts virtually, I am able to vent and rattle about my anguish, joy and various stages of my life to people that I have not meet, have not spoken to and also with those who are just too far and too busy with their lives to hear from me daily. I figured its not so much of what I have to say or what I have in life.

when I reach my golden years,

I know I can look back at my blog and have a good laugh.

I silently pray there will be more new ramblings to share as I go along in life.

My summer hot date

When the rain comes and the thunder crackle, I am the happiest. I love a stormy day and how the world is saturated with wetness, gloominess and the sky is coloured in purple and grey. It hasn't been raining for a week and I am beginning to retreat in sorrow. Perspiring under the summer sun and the heat burns into the depths on my clothing.

I am tempted to do a rain dance and offer up my pet iguana as peace offering to appease the Rain Gods. In fact, I am on the brink of doing just anything for rain to come...I feel like a hippopotamus in the heat of the Sahara, looking for my waterhole to bathe, roll and fornicate. I may even consider as a hippopotamus to copulate with a rhinoceros (which is in fact an insult to my species as hippos are considered to be a higher casts of waterhole mammals) if only rain will come.

I spent the last few days on hot steamy dates. Literally. Blame it on the no-rain-disappointment. There was no chance to huddle together under the umbrella, no excuse to grab my date's arm in fear of slipping on the sleek pavements, no droplets of rain to catch and no refraction of two people oblivious to the spherical gaze of others. I was late for my 1st date. Thanks to the big red shinny ball in the sky my driving was at a turtle speed of 25km/h. The heat slacken my brain activity causing my nerve motors to react slower. It takes 15 seconds longer to compute "turn left" which translate to mean hit the left signal, view the left mirror and steer the wheel left. I explained all these in one breath to my date, punctuating each sentence with a sincere apology, flushed from the heat and rashing secretly in unknown places only to have him laugh at me and pulled me a seat. Afraid I would faint from my rattling presumably. Mentally, I ticked of one of my date-criteria boxes, i.e. a man who pulls out a seat for me. I am a sucker for Jane Austen's gentlemanly manners.

I ordered my chai tea and as usual got into a 10 minutes debate and/or lecture with the Barista on how to serve my chai tea - iced in a paper cup. Another reason why I dislike sunny days. It doesn't make me any cheerier it is also causing my date to think I am a raving lunatic with an obsession with getting into a repartee with everyone. When we finally sat down and bored each other with our biographies....burble on our preceding weeks, I was just blithesome that that air conditioning was free in Starbucks. The date has just returned from a trip to Japan. Santa is early this year. The date vellicated a little bag and poured little souvenirs from Japan all over our brown table..mostly the cute straight fringe Kimono Dolls. He must have expected me to clap with glee like a 5 year old at the sight of these Fuji mountain of souvenirs. But I was too precocious and just beamed with gratitude on his kind thoughts. I was also too polite to tell him that I was not into kawaii Japanese dolls so I stuff all his precious Dolls into my bag, feeling a tad conscious I was at risks of looking like a customer in a buffet restaurant pocketing food into her bag.

His phone chimed. It was his best friend in Kansas who was curious how my date's date look like. He wanted a picture. I happily obliged and allowed my date to take one of my mortified faces with his left hand forming a peace sign beside my cheek. Japan is bad influence. In less than a week, my date has morphed into this retarded peace-sign-poser. Moments later, his phone beeped. It was his best friend's reply signing his approval for me as date. Since when have I become a SIRIM product in need of QC by a best friend who is 3 thousand miles away? I never much believed in the need of being best friends with my date/potential boyfriend/future husband's best friend. His friends were his friends..mine remained mine. I draw a clear line so when war rages, I have my own army and he has his soldiers. No recruiting from either side. Fair. May the best man wins! But this one was an exception. His best friend was cute. And I mean hunky-adoring-pleasing-to-the-eyes-good-looking. (the wonders of facebook) I was in a hurry to be his best friend too.

Time flies when cute guys are centered in conversations. though my heart didn't flutter nor did my tummy did a somersault, I had a whale of a time laughing till my jaws ache. There was no cliché of drowning into each other's gaze but it was pleasant. A date I would look forward to hang out with again. Someone I would like to know better. Maybe someone my heart can grow to love but it is all too early to tell. I am just contended I would be adding him to my 999 friends list, making him the 1000th person who is stepping into my life. Someone whom my heart may allow to leave a footprint. A memory to capture, a friendship to grow and a love to blossom. If it's all in God's plan, maybe, definitely - I can love again.

I drove the 20 minutes ride home in bliss. Rain or no rain, my heart was filled with ecstasy. I wondered how it is for you over there. I doubt you were as happy as I was that day. You never understood the magic of simple things in life. You always thought I was being too meticulous on trivial things, too much of an over analyzer on things. True, little things matter. But you didn't hold on till the end to see what awaits...you never will understand. I am delighted that I did not cancel my date otherwise I would not have experienced the joy of knowing - love can be found even in the things least expected. It was not perfect but it was enough for me.

When I reached home, petals of raindrops started to fall on my windshield slowly building up a rhythmic tapping.

The things least expected always comes last. God always save the best for last.

12 random excuse to escape boredom at work

1. My inability to speak proper Chinese and yellow skin often prompt people I just meet to ask me, " are you Chinese or Malay?" followed by "are you local?"3 quarters Vietnamese, 1 quarter Thai - that makes me a hybrid homosapien and not exactly local. I am just an immigrant from north mainland who is seeking refuge on the island.

2. I was brutally abuse by evil swimming coaches and piano teachers who scared my life to success. I dominated the swimming scene when I was four after my coach threw me in the pool on my first lesson and nearly drown me. I could play the Beethovan when I was six after my piano teacher hit my fingers with a metal ruler for failing to curl my fingers every time I played. At 21, after graduating from law school, I vowed to hunt these people down and sue them penniless. Just kidding!

3. My grandmother believes pills are the magical solution to all ailments. If I come down with something, it's because I'm not taking enough pills. I have no idea how people survived before nutritional supplements if her theories are true.

4. My favourite ice cream topping is marshmallow. No other ice cream parlor serves that here except Swenson's.

5. I dislike pretentious people. People who say nice things and what you want to hear but never the truth. In my opinion, only those who are spineless are unable to speak the truth with grace and love.

6. I tend to concentrate better when allowed to manifest an obsession over a single project at the expense of all other aspects in my life. This seems to run contrary to my current strategy of taking on way too many things at once and attempting to pay equal attention to them all.

7. Until last Spring, I honestly believe I was going to force myself to move Down Under and devote my life to my college sweetheart because I never had to guts to walk out of his life.

8. I keep a blog that I update when I have nothing better to do at work. It allows me to feel the thrill of doing something 'illegal'. If you can't find my blog, you can stop reading on.

9. I always wanted to go to Norway to see the Northern Lights. I still do.

10. Most people would say I am pretty uptight. I try not to belittle anyone I just met or know but ultimately, I still think highly of myself.

11. I don't like to share. I don't share my food and I don't like to know my best friend is someone else's best friend too. I like to have things of my own and yet people view this as selfish. Right?

12. I believe God has a funny way of poking fun at my love life. He puts people in my life and make them love me only to take them away when I am starting to love them.

The negotiator and her match

You know the type: Negotiators are imaginative, intuitive, empathetic, and emotionally expressive, and have good verbal and social skills. Most strikingly, these people see the big picture with all the options.Famous examples: Bill Clinton, Gandhi, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw.

Under the influence: Estrogen (the so-called female sex hormone, though, again, it's found in both genders) plays an important role in the Negotiator's character.

Longs for: A soul mate.

Bonds well with: Directors (no wonder Hillary and Bill are still together).

If you are a Negotiator: Watch out for your inclination to be so diplomatic that you appear spineless. And avoid drowning your date in a verbal deluge. If you have met someone you like, don't overthink the situation, endlessly going over the pros and cons. Ultimately it's important for you not to settle for anything but a deeply meaningful, authentic relationship.

If you're dating one: Keep in mind that Negotiators aren't always direct, so read between the lines. Avoid being competitive with them. And don't hesitate to talk about yourself: These people love hearing about what you're thinking and feeling. Above all, they will fall for you if you stimulate their imagination.

Skeletons in the closet

It seems like everyone is doing this recently and it looks like fun! Unfortunately I was not tagged (boo you guys! boo!) But Imma do it anyways XD. So without further adeu, here' some things about me that you otherwise would not have known:

1.) sincerely like rainy, cloudy, thundering days. I enjoy rain on the windows panes and driving in the rain. If I am in bed, I will lie awake hearing the pitter patters of rain on the roof. and i always hope a rainy day comes with the whole monty - thunder and lightning. not so much of lightning but very much of the clapsing of thunder. People think I am depressed but really I am happiest when it rains. I just like how soothing and calming rainy days are.

2.) I prefer winters and fall over summer and spring. Not because I like snow or crunchy leaves but mostly because I like winter clothing =P. I just prefer wearing jackets, coats, sweaters and long sleeved clothing over t-shirts and shorts. I also like the longer days than the sun. Its odd considering i grew up in a tropical country where it is summer a year long. but i simply love the idea that the nights are longer than the days. i feel safer in my own home when its dark and cold rather than sunlight and all..creepy? i know...hmmm

3.) I like to go places in my head. I have a very vivid imagination and when I get bored I like to zone out and have little adventures in my head. I even numerous imaginary alter-egos. People think I am in deep contemplation or thought, meanwhile I am in the arms of a prince charming of a far far away land and exploring the universe in a space-ship. The problem is that I do it so much that sometimes I get confused and mix up my imaginary alter-ego adventures with real life. Some say this is the beginning of insanity and schizophrenia...I say "Huh? What? Sorry, I was someplace else..."

4.) Before I considered a law degree, I seriously considered a various whole other professions that had my parents banging their heads against the wall. Amongst them, i wanted to be a forensic pathologist, not just any normal doctor or surgeon, i just love the idea of being with dead people and cutting them up. not now though. as i grew older and more 'mature' i realised no boys would be interested in dating a girl who spends so much time running her hands on a dead person.
People are surprised by my mixture and sometimes seemingly conflicting sets of skills and talents. I think it makes me well rounded, but because I was so spread out in my early years I am like a jack of all trades and no master in any. I personally think I am a bit of an anomaly personality wise. Some aspects of me are just not congruent with each other. I really enjoy meeting other people, who like me, are not what they seem and have layers of hidden meaning and depth.

5.) I played the piano and a little of the violin when i was growing up. and in all my oral exams whereby i had to sing, i failed them - ALL completely. i must be pretty tone deaf or somehow, i am musically challenged. i would love to play the cello though my fingers are too short and small to hold on to the strings. same reason why i never attempted to play the guitar. i just had short fingers that were never meant for any musical instruments. Bah!

6.) I am a pretty open-minded girl overall but I just can't do vegetarian. Once in college there was this cute guy who was interested in me. However after a date or so, I found out he was vegetarian and I just stopped calling. Dinner was at a sushi place. I ordered sushi, he ordered nothing...sorry sweetie, it's not you, it's your stomach.

7.) I always fall in love with the bad boys. the one who has a bad past. the one who is messed up. the one who drives fast cars and never give a damn in the world. they are fast and furious boys. the ones you glance at, let your heart regale silly in them but never the ones you will date. i like the idea they had once been naughty and it kinda make them damn sexy. well..they are the boys you party around but never the ones you bring home to meet your parents kinda boy.

8.) I have a ballerina flats fettish. everytime i walk into a shoe store, i will go gaga over those shoes and i am left to making tough decisions. some are so bloody expensive it can go to buy a kidney for a dialysis patient and some can feed a small third world nation. someone then reminded me i have only a pair of feet and a 100 pairs of ballerina flats is an utter waste of money simply because i will not transform or evolve to be a caterpillar.

Now that you've learnt my dirty little secrets - i must make sure you run into my knife the next time i see you!