Something struck me today. I lament a tad too often about my current job situation, so much so in fact I have overlooked my God's purpose given life - to find a rich husband. For the past few months, I have tried to console myself by counting my blessings, thanking my lucky stars and cursing the stark reality that monies do not grow on trees. Much to my dismay, all that Opera Talk doesn't seem to make me feel better about my state of job dilemma.
My everyday routine at work is such a hamster wheel of life. I am stuck in a catch-22 situation. I know the things I do even with both eyes close but there is a downside, I am not learning enough to boost a learning curve on my growth chart. In fact, there is no curve here. A small bend, but definitely not a curve. Compare my chart to that of a slow dying patient's heart rate, same beat, different people. So yes, I am dying a slow death. No correction, my learning growth is taking a plunge.
My everyday routine at work is such a hamster wheel of life. I am stuck in a catch-22 situation. I know the things I do even with both eyes close but there is a downside, I am not learning enough to boost a learning curve on my growth chart. In fact, there is no curve here. A small bend, but definitely not a curve. Compare my chart to that of a slow dying patient's heart rate, same beat, different people. So yes, I am dying a slow death. No correction, my learning growth is taking a plunge.
I was talking to the 5.30 man today, spilling out my fears on how soon I will be joining the 5000 unemployed Malaysian citizens. I am not really looking forward to join the bumming club. It would be a comfort if the bumming club has a fund for its members to survive on, A Bumming Foundation of some sort that pumps a weekly allowance into our bank account based on the hours we bump around. reality hits you with an ice bucket of water. No such Bumming Foundation, Honey!
I used to find joy in my job. During my first week at work, I was all geared up to be named employee of the year. Then this enthusiasm somehow dwindle over the months. My brain shuts down after lunch time, I skip off to the loo as often as a person with a diarrhoea and I start to count each second of the clock, praying that time will pass faster. The amount of work sucked all joy left in me. It leech on my social life, crash into my sleeping hours and slowly implanted a virus into my head, with symptoms like Monday Blues, Social cramps, Pounding workload and sniffling worries. A holiday used to kill the virus but like all flu viruses, it mutates and gets stronger. Now, 2 dosage of chill pills and plenty of rest on saturdays and sundays doesn't seem to kill this virus anymore. I come back from the weekend feeling more lethargic than ever. Weaker than ever. The first throes of excitement in this job has dissipated. There comes a time when not knowing was scary, wondering if your colleagues will like you and vice versa, or if the pantry serves yummylicious cookies and slurpy drinks. A sense of excitement, just like your first day at school is scary, but it is essential to attraction. commitment to a job.
The conventional wisdom tells us that you should do something you love. There should be passion and a burning flame of wanting to learn, to explore, to know and to venture. But if there is no heart - what is there to love? Familiarity breeds contempt. I am beginning to feel that in this age of fast pace achievement where success seems to be achieved overnight, I am forfeiting the gruelling hardship that everyone should go through. I just want something quick. fast. easy. nothing too complicated. the sense of mystery is now subsumed by the mundane.
I realised, I love my job but I am no longer in love with it. I am losing this feeling and right now, I am so torn. so burnt out. so lost. It's time to stop lamenting and do something about all this bottled up frustrations. I am contemplating setting up a complaint department in my office. Something like this: -
