I proselytized woozy love feelings. The guy who gives me the most butterflies in my stomach which in turn affects my pulse is the one I will fall head over heels with - falling so hard and fast - enough to give me a concusion. However, over the course of the relationship, I will develop a fear of losing this guy. I learnt my lesson the painful way - Butterflies is another word for fear. This fear can manifest and it is germane to crushing your self esteem. I put a moratorium to such tumultous wozzy relationships. However—after a ho-hum date of two with men who are accoladed for being a staunch practitioner of the karma sutra dependable and unambigous with no killer sense of humour, I break my moratorium strategy. So even if I broke up with him, even if he was a total jerk —there is still a soft spot in your heart. I have a marshmellow for a heart. You remember the good times, and — hey — it's not THAT fun being single. Often, we end up taking back people who have hurt us in the past or who just didn't work out. Not sure how often this works out, but doesn't it seem like we would be able to say "no"?
Believing this time, he or she is "The One": I'm so guilty of this one — I get a number, I meet a boy, he gives me that butterflies in the depths of my gastronomic intestines and I feel like there is some kind of magical cloud hanging over me. I'm still available, so obviously I have been way off with these predictions. I mistakenly believe I've met "The One" about two times a year. You'd think that I'd learn not to get so ahead of myself at "Hello."
The Bane of getting back to the guy who gives me belly-dwelling winged insects.
- Getting lied to repeatedly: Isn't it terrible when someone stays in a relationship while they are being lied to? It seems like everyone on the outside knows what's going on, but that person in the relationship believes everything to the point of blindness. In a perfect world, we'd learn from one lie, but often we think that lies are isolated incidents when in fact we could be getting lied to repeatedly. We also often think, that forgiveness clears the fog, reset the past and wipe it all clean. This is what happens when we view a relationship through rose tinted glasses.
- Staying with someone wrong for you (a.k.a. "I can change him/her"): Why do we stay with people when they are jerks, and why do we keep thinking we can change people? It's much better to be alone than to be dating a jerk. Why can't we apply that common sense? because when we are in love we don't use common sense. we keep waiting for that lightning bolt.
- Mistaking physical intimacy for emotional intimacy: When we are in the heat of the moment, emotional closeness gets all intertwined with physical closeness. Sometimes we feel that if we get close physically, it will eventually lead to a close emotional connection. I can say I have never gotten into anything special that was sparked by a physical connection and, believe me, I've tried. The deeper relationships grow out of a gradual emotional connection. Nevertheless, sometimes we think if we have sex, then something might come of it. We are just shortchanging ourselves. putting our self worth at question.
Emotional pain is much more complicated than physical pain or a mistake at work that you learn from and never repeat. I guess Pat Benatar was right when she sang "Love Is a Battlefield," but it's a shame that we must go through pain and make multiple mistakes to get to where we want to be in the dating world. Humans naturally want to trust and love. We want to believe that the good in everyone will prevail, and it's devastating to come to grips with the fact that you may have misjudged someone. This is why we are prone to repeat emotional mistakes.We are left to choose between withdrawing from dating, or going through the mistakes until you find The One, because it's almost impossible to know for sure that something will not be an emotional mistake until after it's too late.
Sometimes, I think, it is not about the butterflies. Not about the humour. the romance nor the hoarse sexy voice. I am beginning to see more clearly now that the rain is gone, all I want is to feel....secure.
