Valentine’s Day is coming up, so it’s very likely that love and relationships will be on many peoples’ minds over the next few days. While driving to work the other day I was listening to a whole array of love songs being played on air and I thought about the dynamics of long-term relationships. how love songs often don't really sing the 'truth' about relationships. all the mushy lines sometimes contradicts the various disputes that inevitably arise between partners, such as putting up with annoying habits, adjusting to mood swings, and dealing with personality changes.span >
The dentist once told me that the foundation for a successful relationship is the willingness to compromise. He said that love is quid pro quo, in that you have to give in to a relationship if you want to receive anything from it. This discussion was polarizing for me because it made me feel enlightened and disheartened at the same time. I was enlightened because I’ve never heard of the term “quid pro quo” before, and I always enjoy learning new terms. But, I was disheartened because I disagreed with about 97% of what was discussed.Maybe I’m just an old-fashioned kind of girl, but it bothers me that people think of love as some type of give-and-take business transaction.
I’m uncomfortable that people participate in relationships because they know they will get something in return (usually someone to go to the movies and eat dinner with), and at the same time claim that they are in love. I hate that long-term relationships are often based on compromise because compromise, to me, seems contradictory to what a relationship should be about.
It is my belief that you should love the person you love because they don’t make you compromise who you are.
They should appreciate you for everything that you are already. Because of this, compromise might be the worst thing that can happen in a loving relationship. Compromise might make your relationship last longer in time, but it has no bearing on whether or not you really love someone. A relationship based on compromise is really a relationship based on the insecurity of being alone.
They should appreciate you for everything that you are already. Because of this, compromise might be the worst thing that can happen in a loving relationship. Compromise might make your relationship last longer in time, but it has no bearing on whether or not you really love someone. A relationship based on compromise is really a relationship based on the insecurity of being alone.
I am not anti-relationship. I can certainly understand the desire to have the security and companionship that comes along with being in a relationship. However, no one is owed or entitled to a fantastical romance. This may sound defeatist, but it is true.
There is a difference between being in love and being in a relationship. It seems to me that people stay in relationships because of the way it makes them feel, and they’ll compromise as much as they can to stay in those relationships. But, in and of itself, love is a selfless emotion whose essence is appreciated by giving it. Because of this, you really shouldn’t expect anything from the person you love, because that person can also take it away. If you expect to receive love, then you should be prepared to lose it. And if that happens, you will be sad, and it will be your own fault.
Ultimately, the only person who can ever give you what you want is your own self. Being in love just makes life a little more meaningful and that is its own reward.But what the hell do I know? My history includes numerous complicated love stories and being dumped by the person I love. I’m certainly not an expert, and I’m sure many people will disagree with me. But what do any of us know? All I know is that the key to a “successful” long-term relationship might be compromise (quid pro quo), but the key to a meaningful relationship is love. I’ve begun to realize that those two aren’t necessarily the same thing.
