Phelps baby dominated the pool at the Olympics to sweep eight olympic gold medals. I am very much aware how stale this news must be and the world probably is groaning at the slight mention of the name Michael. Honestly, I know jack about sports or Phelps. However, I, like all helpless and desperate species from venus who knows how to glee at his amazing body and salivate non stop on how good he looks in his speedo also possess sudden urges of creavity to write more about this man named Michael Phelps. God created land animals on the sixth day, rested on the seventh, and created Michael Phelps on the eighth. I hear his saliva is the cure to cancer and water magnetically resists his godly presence (it's how he can swim so fast). Years ago, Phelps discovered the meaning of life, but reportedly forgot to write it down. Chuck Norris often has nightmares of Michael Phelps.
The American who has the face of a donkey and the body structure of a sea mammal dethroned Ian Thrope, the Australian with the camel face and the body of an extraordinary sea animal, by breaking world records and splashing the waters in the Beijing Olympic pool to such tsunami heights the world has not seen. Phelp's Sunday Gold also marks the end of a world record - that of Mark Spitz's seven gold medals won 36 years ago at the1972 Munich Olympic Games.
Many Americans celebrated jubilantly with Phelps on that fine Sunday morning. Many Americans (and many foreign supporters world-wide) have been following Phelp's quest closely since the beginning. Eager and loyal "Phelps Phans" worldwide gleefully celebrated every stroke, every qualifier, every gold medal and every world record. Indeed there has been many - Phelps has set a world record in every finals event he participated in save one. Even in that singular 100-meter Butterfly final that Phelps did not set a world record in, Phelps gave a nothing-less-than-spectacular performance. Phelps trailed behind then-leader, Milorad Cavic from Serbia during both laps of the race and only caught Cavic at the end of the wall by a mere 1/100th of a second for a hair-splitting photo finish.How does Michael Phelps do it? How does a man beat 7 world records in one week and literally washes away (pun intended) the competition? Rivals and Olympic ethics personnel have cried foul play.
However, considering the scrutiny of the 2008 Beijing Games' atmosphere of fair play and the extensive Anti-Doping Committee, medical doping and use of anabolic steroids are most likely out of the question. Journalists have tried to gain footing into the mystery. Some cite Phelp's impressive 6ft 4 inch frame, his large plate-like hands, and his gigantic size 14 feet. Even Phelps himself has admitted that he eats over 12,000 calories each day, six times the 2,000 calorie intake needed by the average man.
Well, as the world remain stupor to Phelp's victory at the Olympics pool and go about speculating about his sea animal abilities, all I care about is that I love Michael and want to have his illegitimate gay-sea-animal baby. Let's call our baby Sunday Lavender Nemo Phelps, shall we?
