In a healthy relationship, there is a delicate balance that needs to be respected. Knowing that someone is your equal helps keep people from overstepping their bounds. No matter how good of a person you may be, it will not end good when the other person roots their identity in what makes you happy. Liberties can and probably will be taken, resentment builds up, frustration surmounts communication. I never really consciously acknowledged some of the ways I screen people when I meet them as potential for dating.
I know what catches my attention (looks, personality, humor, etc.), and I know what keeps it (chemistry, stolen glances, lingering smiles), but I never took full note of my methods. I know I can tend to come across as a bitch, and I don't necessarily mind that. I'm not the vicious sort, more just sarcastic. I think it is partially a defense mechanism to filter out the losers from the ones who can keep up, and also to keep people somewhat at a distance until I am more sure of who they are.
Its not that I put on airs of being something that I am not, its just my way of magnifying parts of my personality that can make or break someone's interest. We all have our own personal dating idiosyncrasies, that I suppose, just happens to be one of mine. I am overall a pretty nice person to be honest, and I am sensitive to other peoples threshholds and boundaries. I won't go out of my way to step on anyones toes, I don't boss people around, I will never belittle someone on a personal matter. Jokes are jokes, and to be honest, if I thought that low of someone, I would have zero interest in even saying more than a quick hello, if that.Compatibility is definately a huge ingredient in the recipe for success. Meeting someone who is compatible, but also your match is something that is a little more rare. Sure people complement each others personalities, others will stroke your ego, others can make you laugh.
Finding someone who can do all these things, while still driving you to be at your best is like divine inspiration. No one is perfect and thank god for that. Peoples imperfections are what make them unique, and I find that twisted to a positive light, a source of inner strength that you can only find through embracing and owning those character traits. That said though, how you interact with someone can be quite close to perfection.
There are alot of factors that you can weigh. You can divide and analyze the who, what, when, where, why, and hows to it all. In the end though, there is no need for any of that emotional dissection. There is simply appreciation, and value, and trust. I know that honesty is always one of the major hitters on the checklist, but true, sincere honesty that is inextricably centered in someones persona is something that I value whole heartedly. It is rare to come across, and most people don't like to be on the receiving end of blatant or blunt statements.
In my opinion, I would rather have that in my life than to hold doubt that there is anything being held back. I don't want a watered down version of who someone really is. It drives me crazy when I talk to passive aggressive people who can't speak up. I am not a mind reader, so if something is bothering you, don't assume that I should just automatically know what it is. I am all for tact and grace in handling situations, but if I had to choose, I choose a straight dose of truth. It saves alot of time and pain, and guessing games are for children. In an adult relationship, they are just hurdles that hold you back from any real progress and growth.We are all human, we all make mistakes. If we choose the people around us wisely, we are given golden opportunities to learn from those mistakes.
Just as part of human nature, we are all prone to reverting to old habits, or irrational reactions, such as jealousy, fear, anxiety, insecurities. Being able to recognize these triggers, and realizing that you are with someone who is not that same person from the past who did you wrong, are essential keys to curbing those reactions. That is a direct path to really healing old wounds. No one can change you, nor should they want or feel they need to. It is true only you can change yourself, and it has to be for yourself and your own reasons. Change should never be forced just to make someone else happy. However, you can find new, and beautiful aspects to yourself that you've never given light to through the company of someone who can ignite you from within. People affect us more than we may give them credit for. Don't just settle for someone who chooses not accept you for who you are.
