They say God won't give you more than you can handle, but I've got a question: Why would God let you suffer in the first place?
They also say you get over your grieft, but you don't really, not ever. It comes back sometimes. My recovery plan is not foolproof exactly. This is one of the reasons I never try to rob a bank, as tempting as it is. simply because I know I lack precision in concocting a flawless plan - im a bad planner. horrible at organising. terrible at running a choreography. i am bound to stuff up. get caught. thrown into jail. and have my very nicely done orthodontic teeth fall out. something i cannot live with.
I am not as tough as i try to portray. beneath the twinkling eyes, the sheepish smile, the cracklines - is a heart that melts easily. a heart that is squeeshy, soft like a marshmellow. this is why i know right from the start i have little hope at becoming a family lawyer. lack the strength to live through my own trauma what more the melotrauma of others. it will be too heart wrenching. too much drama to take. too many litres of tears to collect.
I used to make bargains with myself. I'd say I can handle the problem, as long as - fill in the blanks here. as long as i can grow. as long as i am not dead. as long as i still get to keep my sparkly orthodontic teeth. as long as my hair doesnt drop. I gave myself a million offers to stay on, push through, triump over it. and then there are the times, behind close down, you will hear my sniffling under my duvet. refusing to give in. stubborn. angry. and most of all, disappointed.
He came along and kept my life grounded. Gave me a thrillion reasons to climb the mountains. Push an inhaler to me palms when im running short of breath. Wrap his arms around me when it got too cold. the smallest thing stop sending me spiralling downwards for he taught me to look beyond the stormy clouds and catch a glimpse of the rainbow. Even after conquering my butterflies, my fears, my mountain...I still like to tell Him - God, next time, I wish you don't trust me so much to handle things. I am afterall, just a sunflower gasping along a winter day.
They also say you get over your grieft, but you don't really, not ever. It comes back sometimes. My recovery plan is not foolproof exactly. This is one of the reasons I never try to rob a bank, as tempting as it is. simply because I know I lack precision in concocting a flawless plan - im a bad planner. horrible at organising. terrible at running a choreography. i am bound to stuff up. get caught. thrown into jail. and have my very nicely done orthodontic teeth fall out. something i cannot live with.
I am not as tough as i try to portray. beneath the twinkling eyes, the sheepish smile, the cracklines - is a heart that melts easily. a heart that is squeeshy, soft like a marshmellow. this is why i know right from the start i have little hope at becoming a family lawyer. lack the strength to live through my own trauma what more the melotrauma of others. it will be too heart wrenching. too much drama to take. too many litres of tears to collect.
I used to make bargains with myself. I'd say I can handle the problem, as long as - fill in the blanks here. as long as i can grow. as long as i am not dead. as long as i still get to keep my sparkly orthodontic teeth. as long as my hair doesnt drop. I gave myself a million offers to stay on, push through, triump over it. and then there are the times, behind close down, you will hear my sniffling under my duvet. refusing to give in. stubborn. angry. and most of all, disappointed.
He came along and kept my life grounded. Gave me a thrillion reasons to climb the mountains. Push an inhaler to me palms when im running short of breath. Wrap his arms around me when it got too cold. the smallest thing stop sending me spiralling downwards for he taught me to look beyond the stormy clouds and catch a glimpse of the rainbow. Even after conquering my butterflies, my fears, my mountain...I still like to tell Him - God, next time, I wish you don't trust me so much to handle things. I am afterall, just a sunflower gasping along a winter day.
