Having hanged up the phone last night with Munchkin, I felt a sense of emptiness knowing that he won't make it back for Valentine's. I was crushed. He made it easier for me to put on a brave front, to not weep or sob when we rolled back to our old selves of endless talks of nothingness. rounds of laughter. rounds of poking fun at each other. rounds of craziness. that was how he always made me feel around him. light hearted. never to indulge into anything serious. we left our worries behind whenever we spent time together. even if it was just temporary but it was what we both needed. to get out of our pains and sadness for just a little while and to bask in each other's craziness.
He became that friend I could confess my profound 'crush' on him without worrying he will desert me or run for the hills. The guy I was proud of to call my bestest friend. not because he has always been there for me but rather how my time spent with him took away my pain, my worry - even for just a little while, it suffice. Magical as I like to call it.
In the summer, I remember vividly sitting on his couch in his room surfing on the net while he types like a maniac on his laptop, chatting to whoever or whichever 'girl of the moment' or listening to his list of emo songs on his I-tunes. If he was having a bad day, i felt it. if he was having a depressing day, i felt it. we hardly spoke whenever i was in his room. we will be submerged in whatever we were doing but yet I felt his emotions. It rubbed on me all the time. It was scary but yet it was my connection to him. Being able to feel how he feels without him having to tell me or put it to words.
This time round, it wasn't any difference. I felt his excitement of being in a new place but I also felt his sadness that it was so overwhelming. I cried after he hang up the first time. But like the Munchkin I know, he put on his brave front. our flowing conversation made him forget he was in India for awhile. a good whole 30 minutes, his mind was not on the busy streets, the dust, the pollution and the horrible food. For a whole 30 minutes, I made my best friend put behind his tingling depression of being in that country. Its easy to forget how messy our lives can be whenever we are talking to each other. its like our voice silence out our cries of pain. It could be his voice, his laughter, his open-ness or his wits. Maybe it is just him.
I will never forget how he filled my life last summer with his talking. While I was always the one doing the talking with everyone else, he was the talker in my life. I asked questions and he answered. He was the willing talker and I, the willing listener. Always silencing out my cries of pain. He made it better by talking. he seldom ask. he never demanded answers from me like most people did. he filled the answers for me. he was that safe to be with. never wanting to know more than you are willing to tell. never intruding. just there to talk when you ask. just crazy enough to make me feel sane. just funny enough to make me laugh. just open enough for me to share. just special enough to be my munchkin...
