there are as many types of drivers on the road as there are shades of colors. me? i'm a sleeper. driving, to me, has become a bore. it's only been 5 years since i've been driving, but i think i lost interest the year after i got my license. i now loathe driving with a passion. i recommend we make a few adjustments to enhance the quality of life and give driving a new appeal:
take out the yellow lights in stop lights. who needs them anyways? you're either gonna go or you're not. no need for fence sitters here. as yoda said, do or do not, there is no try. besides, it'll give those boring, old-hat green lights new meaning. you'll never know when it'll turn red. young hearts will beat faster. old people will have heart attacks. intersections will be serenaded by the screeching of tires. what could be better?
road rage should be released in special "fight areas" on the sides of roads. like those "scenic area" designations, drivers should have a place to engage in fist fights on the side of the road. it'll be a great outlet for stress and save the potential property damage. lawyers on hand would provide legal advice in each fighter's corner in-between rounds.
car accidents should be broadcasted on digital screens throughout roadways. human nature is curious, why resist it? instead of creating huge "rubbernecking" delays, why not encourage curiosity and move traffic along. sports commentators could commentate what's going on and what went on during the accident: oh my god! i think i see an arm! yes, yes... YES!! ladies and gents, we have a severed arm!! drivers would have to drive to the next screen to find out and see what happens next. curiosity would cause traffic to flow more smoothly and quickly.
lanes on roads should be more creative. straight lines may be more efficient, but curves are more fun to drive. every highway would become like a car commercial. cars cornering all the way down the road. inebriated drivers would fit right in and feel more comfortable. in addition, obstacles, such as those in super mario kart, could even be place in random areas to keep drivers alert. stay alert, stay alive.
what's the deal with those "baby on board" yield signs people stick on their windows? is that supposed to make me drive more carefully? am i supposed to be extra-cautioned when driving around a car marked as such? honestly, it really isn't of any consequence to me. maybe i'm evil, but i couldn't care less. i think those signs do the exact opposite. instead of paying extra attention to the road, people are peering inside your car to check out that cute, little baby. personally, i'd just be checking to see if it was really "on board", you lying sack-of-shit.
if people really want drivers to be more wary and cautious when driving around them, i recommend posting large signs that read "nuclear weapons on board" or "car bomb inside". these signs convey a more effective message - they concern the well-being of others. i could almost guarantee hassle-free driving.
car courage... its a funny thing. ever notice how people become more aggressive and confident in their cars? sweet little girls become bitches: cutting people off, aggressively maneuvering around traffic, generously utilizing "the finger". i find that strange. i lack this "car courage". maybe it's because i drive a geo prizm and your grandma's go-cart probably gets more horsepower than my engine.
i do have "passenger-seat courage" though. i find myself becoming extremely ballsy when sitting in the passenger seat of another's car. maybe its the lack of responsibility i wield, or the comfort of being in the hands of someone else. every time i find myself in the passenger seat, i become a complete jerk to those sitting in other cars. staring into their cars, being all up in their business, making grotesque faces. sometimes i even mouth off a few dirty, derogatory slangs. the kids love it - i do it for the kids.
apparently, tinted windows are in. all of my friends are tinting their windows. its strange, though. they're not tinting all of their windows: just the one i sit at. weird.
take out the yellow lights in stop lights. who needs them anyways? you're either gonna go or you're not. no need for fence sitters here. as yoda said, do or do not, there is no try. besides, it'll give those boring, old-hat green lights new meaning. you'll never know when it'll turn red. young hearts will beat faster. old people will have heart attacks. intersections will be serenaded by the screeching of tires. what could be better?
road rage should be released in special "fight areas" on the sides of roads. like those "scenic area" designations, drivers should have a place to engage in fist fights on the side of the road. it'll be a great outlet for stress and save the potential property damage. lawyers on hand would provide legal advice in each fighter's corner in-between rounds.
car accidents should be broadcasted on digital screens throughout roadways. human nature is curious, why resist it? instead of creating huge "rubbernecking" delays, why not encourage curiosity and move traffic along. sports commentators could commentate what's going on and what went on during the accident: oh my god! i think i see an arm! yes, yes... YES!! ladies and gents, we have a severed arm!! drivers would have to drive to the next screen to find out and see what happens next. curiosity would cause traffic to flow more smoothly and quickly.
lanes on roads should be more creative. straight lines may be more efficient, but curves are more fun to drive. every highway would become like a car commercial. cars cornering all the way down the road. inebriated drivers would fit right in and feel more comfortable. in addition, obstacles, such as those in super mario kart, could even be place in random areas to keep drivers alert. stay alert, stay alive.
what's the deal with those "baby on board" yield signs people stick on their windows? is that supposed to make me drive more carefully? am i supposed to be extra-cautioned when driving around a car marked as such? honestly, it really isn't of any consequence to me. maybe i'm evil, but i couldn't care less. i think those signs do the exact opposite. instead of paying extra attention to the road, people are peering inside your car to check out that cute, little baby. personally, i'd just be checking to see if it was really "on board", you lying sack-of-shit.
if people really want drivers to be more wary and cautious when driving around them, i recommend posting large signs that read "nuclear weapons on board" or "car bomb inside". these signs convey a more effective message - they concern the well-being of others. i could almost guarantee hassle-free driving.
car courage... its a funny thing. ever notice how people become more aggressive and confident in their cars? sweet little girls become bitches: cutting people off, aggressively maneuvering around traffic, generously utilizing "the finger". i find that strange. i lack this "car courage". maybe it's because i drive a geo prizm and your grandma's go-cart probably gets more horsepower than my engine.
i do have "passenger-seat courage" though. i find myself becoming extremely ballsy when sitting in the passenger seat of another's car. maybe its the lack of responsibility i wield, or the comfort of being in the hands of someone else. every time i find myself in the passenger seat, i become a complete jerk to those sitting in other cars. staring into their cars, being all up in their business, making grotesque faces. sometimes i even mouth off a few dirty, derogatory slangs. the kids love it - i do it for the kids.
apparently, tinted windows are in. all of my friends are tinting their windows. its strange, though. they're not tinting all of their windows: just the one i sit at. weird.
