At every crossroads of my life, I tried to consult the wisest, the smartest, the 'experiencest', the oldest and everyone else's opinion except my own heart's desire. because I am afraid I will make the wrong choices, fall into a man hole and end up covered in human crap, literally, so I ask others. However, what others think may be the best for them, may not be the best for me. Sometimes, a plate of char koay teow may taste better than a gram of carviar, depends on who's taking it. I am allergic to unborn fishes possibly covered with the cum of a male fish, so definitely that carsinogic-vein-clotting-char koay teow is better for me.
It's always easier to make decisions in life when you are not going to have to live through it, suffer through it, and face the consequences of it. At life's biggest juncture, my brain jams up. My vision becomes myopic. I panic and choke up. I simply cannot function. This is when your maturity is tested. It's a tad like testing your courage when someone cuts your finger and throw you into a pool of hungry sharks. This time, it's not about making the right turn or even taking the road less travelled. It's gathering all the sums of your fear and compare it to the value of the lessons in life you will learn and face. Daring to make a mistake! A mistake is the best teacher you could have in life. It teaches you more than they do in University, more than the books written and sometimes, more than the adults can. A mistake is a scar of your experience. A mistake is a reminder that somethings cannot be taught, it has to be learnt.
A person who Dares to make a mistake, dares to make a decision. So here I am now, cleaning up my workdesk, packing up the memories of 9 months at work, and clearing up the cluster of a mess. I dared myself to leave. I dared myself to stop moaning. I dared myself to make a decision. It may not be the best, the wisest, nor the cleverest, but this is what my heart desires. This is the best thing for me. The road ahead may be a rough one, considering I haven't quite figure what I am going to do next, but my inner voice says, Be still and know He is God.
This could be a mistake. I may fall, stumble and cry. However, it's time I learn. It's time I mature. It's time I take up this double dare..to make decisions and to make mistakes.
