I live in the East and he lives in the West. And we both knew it is more than just the time difference, the distance and the work. Our problem, this problem, was that we couldn't figure out where our feelings lie. How far we are willing to go for each other and how much our hearts can be tested. We cannot imagine our future together. Too many obstacles, too much trouble and a reluctance in our souls. We still loved each other but there was a politeness and formality in our dealings that broke my heart. And we just couldn't see how this thing between us was ever going to work out. Or rather, we choose to remain myopic. We have chosen the easy way out.
"Let's just see how it goes, okie?" I said.
So we just see how it goes. each passing day, nothing changes and yet nothing remains. Just another man and woman in this world. But it seemed like the saddest thing in this world, this feeling that what we have right now was not good enough to stay and not bad enough for any of us to leave. If only one of us has a dark secret to tell. An exit sign. I try very hard trying doors to get out of this chaos. I wanted him to reveal something so painful, so tearing that it will push me away and settle the dust once and forever.
Once again, I am living in denial. Afraid to make a decision, fearful to reject and too fragile to nurse a breaking heart.
