I know I havent been a great friend lately. I havent rang, I havent text, I havent chatted, I havent emailed and most importantly entertained you with trivial bits of my life set in comedic pentameter. Believe it or not, I have actually been quite busy! Since my last update, I packed up my earthly brain matters and moved it to a whole different level to keep my parents proud of their multimillion dollar investment on me.
It's almost mandatory for members of the doctor's shed to write a New Years review and introvertly assess one's progress so far. 2008 came and went and for me, 2009 has been more than just a symobolic transition into a new year and new life. I closed 2008 with the forfeit of my law student life and started 2009 with a new city, new identity, new job, and a new life. To be honest I am experiencing a bit of new life/career shock. On more than one occasion I caught myself in awe and disbelief, wondering whose life I have murdered and assumed the identity of.
It's already 3 quarters of the year gone and I am still as this stage where I am fumbling with the switches around my life. I am no stranger to pressure and responsibility, but recently I keep wondering if I have finally bit off more than I could swallow. I came into this with the knowledge that it would be a big life change and expected myself to be fully capable of meeting the challenge head on. Now amidst the transition I find I am doubting the validity of my decisions and yearning for the familiarity of things and comforting friends. I am more than a little frightened of the implications that these thoughts. I am terrified deep down swimming in this deep ocean with no sight of land and no life line to grasps at. Inside, I am still a little girl yearning for daddy and mummy's constant assurance.
The pragmatist in me knows that I made the right choice and that in the end, all will end well. Yet regardless I inexplicably worry. It sounds silly, but I always thought I would be able to set my roots deep into whichever grassy field I found myself in, regardless of which side of the river said grassy plain laid. I've dealt with college, I've dealt with work, I've tasseled with the usual large life transitions and have come out stronger for it yet this one somehow feels inexplicably different from the others.
Perhaps when one gets to a certain age, one inevitably finds the nouvelle excitements difficult to bear start looking for stability and the comforts of familiarity.
It is the personal journeys and the discoveries of the self that are the scariest.
