views and perspectives - it all just changes at the drop of a hat. maybe it was a blustering gust. or perhaps it was the gentle lull of a whispering wind over time. but just like that, you realize, and everything changes.
views and perspectives. they're every bit as capricious as the motion of air.your views are schematic. and schemas are snapshots - opinions formed at a point in a certine line of time. points, fortunately or unfortunately, are ephemeral. time moves on. we move on. lines become wiggles. block lettering becomes scribbles. and the clarity that was so cleanly laid out now becomes chaos. everything changes.
ah, but it's a matter of perspective. we all have changing perspectives. we label it hindsight. or we call it growth. it's social evolution. we prefer to regard it as advancement. is it really?perspectives are like weather patterns. they may be cyclical, but you can't track them over lengthy periods of time. they're impossible to predict. simply put, you can't trust them. what you think you know is what you don't. reality is an overcast sky. everything is washed away in a sea of grey.
he called me with an emergency. that was his perspective and i had mine. unfortunately, our vantage points were not the same. but for the moment, i entertained his perspective. i obliged and checked my texts. call it obedience or call it curiosity. i did what i was told. if it was a true emergency, why would you text me as opposed to tell me over the phone? perhaps it was more curiosity.
he texted a loaded question. loaded questions bear loaded answers. and like most times, i didn't have the time. but this time, my reason was legit. i was crossing a busy highway. texting while crossing a busy motorway was probably more dangerous than drinking and driving. but i obliged and replied that i'd respond later when i had more time and wasn't trying to cross roads.
he wanted a response now. yes or no. it was so very typical. nevermind my present circumstances, he had an "emergency" at hand and he expected me to tend to it. his supposed emergency was more important than my well-being. it was all very familiar and all very...selfish.
then the follow-up text came: my relationship hangs in the balance.it suddenly made sense. he was looking to me for support. he was looking for me to jump on his side. i stopped at the nearby bus stop and called him. i'm not sure why i did. i should have just ignored him. his current relationship had no bearing on me. i should not be getting involved. and that's basically what i said to him. i wasn't going to answer his question because it was irrelevant. my answer should have no bearing on their relationship.
the problems that exist between two people exist only between those two people. what right did he and her have in roping me, his ex-crush, into an argument that they were having? over my well-being. and over my friends' well-being. and most importantly, over something so petty, so trivial to others. it was plainly selfish.
selfish. selfish. selfish. i'm not sure when it happened, but that became my schema of him. i realize that this perspective is wrong and it probably isn't fair.it's funny because i used to adore him. i placed him upon a pedestal where he could do no wrong. and i would do anything for him. but then things changed. perhaps i wasn't fair. no one can live up to those standards. yet, i can't place whether it was a gradual realization or a sudden conclusion. but like looking through saffron-tinted glasses, my view of him became tainted in this light. and like most selfish people, i approach with caution and handle with care.
it's a self-preservation mechanism really.consideration would have dictated that they postpone their argument for a better time. in that sick, twisted space of my mind, i wished for something morbid. i wished for an accident. would he view his "emergency" in a different light? would that finally change the perspective of their disagreement?i can only wonder...
