This year all I want for Christmas is a magical one. A magical wand waved over the holiday season and let all the sparkles and delights of magical cheer fall like snow flakes on me. Its been a tumultuous week for me. Having serious work deadlines to commit to and a whole series of unfortunate, or rather, traumatic events befall upon me. Sometimes I wish God would allow my life to be like filming a movie whereby He booms from above - 'take two' whenever a 'not so good take' happens. On many things, there is no re-filming of a terrible act but for Christmas, you possibly could have 'take two'. If last year's Christmas was a whole big mess - can this year be a better one? a second round of helping of christmas pressies and festive goodness, perhaps?
Can this Christmas be my second take on a Christmas romance?
Distance has taken a toll on many things. its a killer of a many good things. a silent killer that creeps up on you during the night, put a pillow over whatever tingamagically good in your life and muffle it to death without you ever realizing. at least, so for me. Every time I find someone who makes the rhythmic beats of my heart play a slow duet, distance has to appear and take it away from me. In just less than a week, I lost the reason I was going home to or rather, I find myself slipping away from the fingers or passion from the person I was going home to. It became oddly cold. just like the winter wind. If I knew - if only I had found a fortune cookie that told me my allotted time - would I have live or cherish this short-lived romance in a different way? would i waste less time? would I carpe diem - seize the day(s) I had with him? REALLY?
I daresay I would still have think of him as another pretty face. and I would still not text him or rang him insanely because my womanly conscience of 'the guy should make the first move if he is interested in you' still triumphs over. But I'd have learn to relax more around him. laugh, cry, sob, be softer when I still have his attention. try not to be so tough. let him in abit more on the softy side of me. would that have scared him off? frightened him and send him running for the hills? i don't know but i would have done that and at least I know - i have given him and myself and us the chance to know the person in me. it wasn't that i wasn't me before. i just was tougher. braver. stronger. which really doesn't depict the true me. would I have love better? definitely! would i have love him more - i don't think i can possibly love more than i already had.
Some people think while they ran. I think better when I shower. the rain of waters on my skin gives me the peace i need to send me brains running. the neurons works more rationally. with my eyes close, i see clearer. its a calming sensation that sends me spiraling to a world of my own. washing all my worries down the pipe hole. leaving only good vibes and a fresher me. i had lots brainstorming sessions in my shower. its where i found the valiancy to speak in my advocacy classes, the ideas to surprise whats-his-face, the little crooks and canny of myself that i needed answers to, and most of all - the duet to my hearts song.
was i too weak for my own good as mummy had told me one night? will i always be in search of someone to share my thoughts with, to fill that lonely heart, to just squabble and chatter away with? have i been asking too much that sometimes my academic achievements and archives of snobbishness has over taken the little timid person i am inside? i truly don't want just anyone to fill the shoes of special someone. i want someone special to call my own. everyone can be a good boyfriend, but it takes someone special to be your soul mate. someone who lights up my eyes like christmas lights, someone who will be the gentlest critic of my often lack of judgment, someone to guide me, someone that i can see my soul dancing with.
will this Christmas just be a lonely one where that someone special cannot possibly make it due to the heavy snow or christmas traffic?
This Christmas, as I pray for the magical dust to fall on everyone out there I also pray that it will be a Christmas different from the less. More special, more excitement, more thrill and thrall, and most of all - more of others rather than yourselves. So while you:
1.)binge on all the turkey and cranberry that can last you till next spring;
2.) tear open your christmas presents like a manically three year old while squealing in delight;
3.) ride the sleighs on a frosty winter night with ruldolph;
4.) drink and gurgle all the sparkling wine, champagne and 101 other different alcohol;
5.) party like there is no tomorrow dress up in red and green;
6.) sing all the christmas chorus till your voice is hoarse;
you will also meet that someone special under the mistletoe!
Its no harm wanting to believe in a little magic, I guess - TAKE TWO - Have yourself a Magical wondrous Christmas time!!
