After a weekend long of discussions, late night chats, long walks in the cold evenings, and lotsa praying, plan A is going to be executed. We spoke about the consequences, the guilts, and the possible other plans. We all gulped in silence - murder ; interpreted is a word that carries horrified stares.
We stand at the public gallery and point fingers at the person standing at the dock, but have we ever been at the dock and wore his shoes? Reality slaps you in the face whether you like it or not. We need to be as sly as Voldermort and as wise as Dumbledore to survive in this jungle.
Knowing what a champion I am at "what If(s)" we also list down all the possible "what If(s)" that may come. One being that will I look back one year from now and start to feel, "If I had kept it going, it will be 7 months old now?" So of course, we had to put that behind. If I had not keep it going, I won't have to be wheeling prams down beaches or changing nappies.
We chatted about the good things that has happen in our lifes and how we started to define our lives by it. The degrees, the first class honours, the oxbridge graduates, the popularity, the awesome career, the friends. We counted the addition of letters and alphabeths we have all added in our lives. The extra(s) that define us and set us apart from others. The good looks, the alabaster skin, the silky wavy hair, the gorgeous bump, and the other long list of things that we can all include in our biographies or epilogue or tombstone one day. We count our blessings one by one and I was considered most blessed because I had an additional thing to add - experience! If one of them were to speak at my funeral one day, their eulogy will include, going through what Job has been through! So honoured!
Then we chatted about how we define ourselves in our failures. How people added names to our already wonderful names. How people view us for what we didn't do and what we did. How the society viewed single unweded mums, how abortions are frowned upon, how decisions can affect us and how much ones identity has been confined to the circumstances they have been.
The freezing walks out at night has also gave us an insight that many things do lurk in the dark and many things are not known to us in life. However just like a phase in our lives, it will all past soon. The sun still rises in the morning.
Our lives are not often perfect. Even if I became a doctor and marry a handsome surgeon, have a beautiful family and live in a huge mansion, read the bible daily, go to church, serve at the ministry, something will still be missing and my identity in this life will remain only as another "Bree Van de Kamp".
When we drew our deliberation and prayer sessions to a close last night, the answer was clear, no matter what I choose to do or become, my identity remains the same in His eyes, I am His Beloved. For closure sake, we sang and stomp aloud at 3am, If God is on our side, who can be against us? We then literally followed Chris Tomlin and ran down to the Tyne Riverside, stood at the edge, and leave behind our troubled mind for an uncloudy day!
We stand at the public gallery and point fingers at the person standing at the dock, but have we ever been at the dock and wore his shoes? Reality slaps you in the face whether you like it or not. We need to be as sly as Voldermort and as wise as Dumbledore to survive in this jungle.
Knowing what a champion I am at "what If(s)" we also list down all the possible "what If(s)" that may come. One being that will I look back one year from now and start to feel, "If I had kept it going, it will be 7 months old now?" So of course, we had to put that behind. If I had not keep it going, I won't have to be wheeling prams down beaches or changing nappies.
We chatted about the good things that has happen in our lifes and how we started to define our lives by it. The degrees, the first class honours, the oxbridge graduates, the popularity, the awesome career, the friends. We counted the addition of letters and alphabeths we have all added in our lives. The extra(s) that define us and set us apart from others. The good looks, the alabaster skin, the silky wavy hair, the gorgeous bump, and the other long list of things that we can all include in our biographies or epilogue or tombstone one day. We count our blessings one by one and I was considered most blessed because I had an additional thing to add - experience! If one of them were to speak at my funeral one day, their eulogy will include, going through what Job has been through! So honoured!
Then we chatted about how we define ourselves in our failures. How people added names to our already wonderful names. How people view us for what we didn't do and what we did. How the society viewed single unweded mums, how abortions are frowned upon, how decisions can affect us and how much ones identity has been confined to the circumstances they have been.
The freezing walks out at night has also gave us an insight that many things do lurk in the dark and many things are not known to us in life. However just like a phase in our lives, it will all past soon. The sun still rises in the morning.
Our lives are not often perfect. Even if I became a doctor and marry a handsome surgeon, have a beautiful family and live in a huge mansion, read the bible daily, go to church, serve at the ministry, something will still be missing and my identity in this life will remain only as another "Bree Van de Kamp".
When we drew our deliberation and prayer sessions to a close last night, the answer was clear, no matter what I choose to do or become, my identity remains the same in His eyes, I am His Beloved. For closure sake, we sang and stomp aloud at 3am, If God is on our side, who can be against us? We then literally followed Chris Tomlin and ran down to the Tyne Riverside, stood at the edge, and leave behind our troubled mind for an uncloudy day!
