Yuppie yup..question to ask, how innocent can something be on the surface but underneath the smooth silky white top, it is a cans of guilty worms? Somethings cannot stay hidden forever, the moon, the sun and the TRUTH. My walk with God hasn't been going really well lately to be honest. I am near approaching my one year birthday and yet I still find it difficult to find the chapters in the Bible without looking at the index. Yes, horrible, I shamefully admit. Like they say, you do not seek God in times of happiness only in times of sorrows. So true.
For one month, God asked me to grow a mustard seed faith in Him. He put me through trials and valleys to climb. It is like walking on the road to colorado. All that mountains and valleys...phew! God gives us choices to choose, choose to obey Him or choose to disobey Him. If it is a Godly choice, it will involve me, everyone around me and God. If it is not a Godly choice, someone will be hurt in my humanly decision. Someone that I hold close to my heart made such a humanly choice before. I know how bad it hurts but yet, I cannot wallow in self-pity forever. It was his choice and his walk with God. Someone once said...
"I fear that if you turn your back on God, the ones who love u, and those around you, you'll forever be haunted by deep regrets and wounds that will never heal completely. Yes, God forgives, but we must bear the 'blisters of the heart."
While it took just weeks for your heart to stray, building your relationship with God took much longer.
Well, of course there is still times of doubt. It is unavoidable. It is a matter of willingness to look at the withering grass and believe it will green again as the one on the other side. It is a matter of faith to know that holes in the walls can be filled again. It is all a matter of how committed we are to being honest with Him. I still give myself reasons when somethings seem to flounder one me, but every innocent excuse you make, will come back to be the greatest guilt in your life. I realise that now...
I laid down my heart to God for a month. I told Him all that surrounds my thoughts and I spilled my tears out. I hold it out to Him and pray. I am guilty for making decisions on my own. I am guilty for hurting the one I love. I am sorry to have made Him feel that I do not trust in Him to make things better. I remember telling him one night in bed, I am tired of feeling rejected. I am tired of being blamed for holding on too tight. I am tired of begging to be given chances to mend things. Through His angels I learned, " whatever choices I make now, God will permit it but it may not be beneficial". God may permit us to made our humanly decisions and hurt others, but it will never be beneficial to us in the Kingdom of Heaven. The Golden rule. There is always a way out but the innocent ways you choose, may be the most guilty ones in life.
