First of all, you're smarter now. You spent most of your youth figuring out what you don't want in a relationship, so now you have amassed a laundry list of presumably reasonable criteria that may or may not be remotely realistic. And while you've got a clearer idea of what you don't want, what exactly it is you do want remains a mystery.
Every relationship that you've experienced has stolen a bit of your enthusiasm for the next. Your ability to trust has been slowly eroded by broken promises and callous duplicity. You have a little less to give, a little less energy, and a little less optimism. You're afraid of squandering what you have left on the wrong person. You wonder if you can love again, the way you used to-- wholehearted, and reckless. You want to love again, before you forget how. Then there's the whole awkwardness that comes along with trying to get to know someone in a semi-respectable manner. We call it dating. Navigating the logistical quandaries of when and where to meet. Trying to work things into your busy schedule. Finding that elusive element of chemistry, which if found, is fickle and temperamental at best. Once you manage to actually find time for each other, you then engage in an bizarre ritual of phone tag, text messages, and movie dates.
Always, you're asking yourself-- is it too soon? Should I kiss him/her? A second date after this one? When is the right time to call? What should I wear? Am I coming on too strong? Too passive? Will he> respect me in the morning? All for the sake of navigating the thicket of emotional brambles we have built to protect ourselves from heartbreak. And what about timing? They say timing is everything. Eligible mates are dropping off the radar left and right-- either married, in a relationship, or too busy for one. You optimistically hold out hope, that you can find someone who meets your epic requirements.
But on the off-chance you meet someone that does, are they recently out of a relationship? Too soon. Or recently into one? Too late. Or, as often is the case in this crazy world, they're on their way to somewhere in life, and don't have time to pause and notice that you're perfect together. The older you get, the smarter you get. You've learned from your mistakes and you change your behavior accordingly. We build emotional defenses and walls, and all the aggravation and formalized structure of the dating game is supposed to help us break through the fortifications we've worked so hard to put up. Maybe in the end it's not as systematic as we've gotten used to.
Maybe the reason it was easier in our younger years was because of the fact that we were innocent, and didn't know any better. We didn't automatically throw out the baby with the bathwater at the first hint of something that doesn't fit into our master plan of life and love. Maybe to find love, you need to let yourself be a little reckless and stupid.
