Just as I finally found my niche in England and a reason for me to love it, the letter had to come by post today reminding me that I still have to chase my dreams. The future stares at me in wordings that finally blurred in my mind, I am almost reaching the stars. In the midst of chaoctic moments, I can only say, forever and ever Amen. It was an offer that everyone my age will almost jump at it. This was better than the Fullbright scholarship to America last year and it is definitely a league above the scholarship to Brighton back in 2003 - both of which I rejected because of a list of reasons. Now, dreamz with a z is calling again.
It never dawn upon me that upon clicking on the submit application would come down to this - a 5 figure salary with Procter and Gamble. The bane of it would require me to give up my reason to stay in England and move Down Under to be close to the Darling Harbour. During lunch at the Doctors' shed, I just knew that in my pursue of happiness, some good things have to be given up for the greater things.
Life is not about filling more laughters in your life anymore, its rather, blunt in the face and a slap in the face. I do not know if I am ever ready to give up my reason to smile in England, but I know, that what I tasted was real. A taste of joy, a taste of euphoria, a taste of bitterness and a taste of life. I am a step closer to my dreamz and I just have to put my feet forward to touch the glimmer and stars.
Thank you guys for showing me the end of the rainbow. Thank you for the little things you have done for me and thank you for being just there. As a part of your life ends, you just got to let the curtains fall at your heel, Curtsy and walk away from it.
With this - I end a chapter of my life with a letter from my notebook that I should have sent a long time ago but never felt ready to. We all have to learn to flip the pages in our lives to read on what awaits us and we just have to be ready for whatever the next chapter may throw at us.
"My Dearest Chris. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent summers going for horsey rides on the beach, making each other laugh, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. I hope I have given you that too. I loved you. Yin."
All that I once held dear to me, I consider them loss.
