News spread like wild fire - be it good or bad. Congratulatory messages and well done wishes poured in overnight after the letter of employment was received. Just like how supplies of tissues; shoulders to cry on and ears to listen were there after the great flood series of unfortunate events. We took a night off to let our hair down and zips down minds off the world to celebrate the soon-to-be-bursting-bank-account.
Everything in life moves a such a fast pace that it seemed only like yesterday when I was 18. I was always the first person to sit at the door steps and cry my heart out when nobody opens at the other end and not in a million years would I dream that I could ever know the true meaning of having somoene in your life that thinks you are the world.
What am I doing each day, I wondered, allowing myself to stare into his eyes and pretend that there is no happiness behind those brown iris. Why did I allow myself to sell myself out to someone who flung my heart out into the sea and yet not allowing soemone else to retrive it back for me? This is not what I thought life would be now. I need all my strength to stop myself from reaching and wrap my arms around him every time he smiles at me. I thought that having a reason to move away would be the easiest thing in the world to do, but part of the reason for staying back is because of him. I just keep imagining me and Brendan that day and I could't take it.
Now I'm beginning to question my decision. Should I stay and learn to love again, or should I leave and learn to survive on my own, to be independent, to be cold hearted and to shut him off my life? I had post it notes all over my heart - Do not under any circumstances fall in love again and do not under any circumstances trust another human being.
What we long for, what we settle for, and who we are meant for. That's what we do - we fight! I tell you that you are an arrogant *** and you tell me that I am being a pain in the ass which is what I am and you are not afraid of hurting me. We just got to work on this everyday of our lives and maybe picture my life with you - 30 years and 40 years from now. I can take the easy way out but whatever way I choose everyone gets hurt. What do I want and can I stop thinking about what everyone's think?
